Attention all the single ladies....

There is nothing wrong with you.

I’ve had a series of conversations the past few months that have bummed me out.

Some in spiritual direction sessions. Some with friends. All with unmarried women in their 30s.

Here are a few snippets:

“I get that for a non-religious man who doesn’t want kids, committing to a long-term relationship with me is a hard sell. They want to date around. I get it. But the thing that gets me is I couldn’t even convince anyone who has the salvation gun to their head to marry me. Like they HAVE to be married to get into heaven and they were all still like, ‘nah.’ Like…. what is wrong with me?”

“My friends’ moms tell me, ‘I just can’t figure out why you’re single! You’re so pretty!’ and that just makes me feel like there is something so deeply fucked up with me internally that I can’t attract a man despite being physically attractive.”

“One divorce you can pass off- you were young, you married the wrong person, whatever. But TWO?! I just feel like I must be the common denominator. Like there must be something deeply wrong with me.”

May I just say respectively…… eff that.

It bums me out. How we have been handed this pretty pink box labeled “your life’s purpose”- the contents of which include a wedding ring and baby blankets.

And then when marriage doesn’t work out, instead of disappearing, the pink box hovers over her like a hydraulic press. Pressuring. Pushing. Flattening. Until her confidence is a puddle.

It is especially ironic that single women are made to feel incomplete or insufficient when research shows that the happiest group of people?

Not single men. Not married men. Not married women.

The happiest group of people is consistently shown to be single women.

And not only happier but healthier! Perhaps you’ve heard of those studies from the 90s that showed that married people live longer? Turns out, that just applies to men (who do show to be happier and healthier when married).

But for women, single women both live longer than married women and report higher levels of life satisfaction and less depression.

Making the “I am a failure without a husband” stigma not only unfortunate, but false.

What if we could turn back time and never hand women this box? What if we were handed these happiness statistics instead? What if we believed them?

I wrote a poem about it.

this one’s for you

---

Hey princess
would you hand me that fairy tale book please? 
Yes the one with the royal wedding on the cover?

Thank you so much.
rip, shred, erase
Don't mind me. 

I'm just updating.
You see, this information here about happily ever after 
requiring a prince charming?

Scientists have proved this false you see.
So it's high time someone updated this fairy tale.
Shall we edit a new one together?

Let's start with the maiden song: "Someday my Prince will come"
*erase 
*writes "I am here. Now."

While we're erasing 
let's level that old tower, you know the one
where you let down your hair hoping a gentleman will climb up?

*rebrands
prince-awaiting tower 
into podium where divorced women bestow their wisdom.

Where we all gather round with our notebooks shouting,
Tell us! Teach us! 
Please won't you share with us the lessons you've learned?

While we're rebranding,
please hand me that yellowing 1950s vintage poster
claiming the only real family consists of husband, wife, kids?

Yes the one that loves reminding you your eggs 
are reaching their expiration date
so if you want a "natural" family, you must act now!!!

*rips up poster
*glues in pictures of elephant families 
who raise their young together as a matriarchy

*glues in pictures of swans in life-long same-sex partnerships
*glues in pictures of seal pups, 2/3rds of whom separate from their birth mothers and are raised by adopted mothers
*glues in pictures of 90% of mammalian animals who never meet their father

(If marriage is the only way to create a natural family,
 nature did not seem to get the memo.)

While we're ripping up roles,
I think the prince-hungry princess could use a re-cast
don't you?

Which would you prefer:
how about Happy the dwarf
whose days are spent dancing, eating pie and mining for jewels?

Or what about the vultures
who sit around gossiping with their friends?
Perhaps the blue birds whose lives are dedicated to singing and soaring?

Or maybe just Queen pure and simple
whose funky castle is a welcome home to
a variety of woodland creatures and friends.

Yes. That'll do.
Let's title it
'So many enchanting ways to live a life.'

---

What are your thoughts? Have you ever felt the hydraulic press of marriage pressure?