"I need a place to talk about this stuff." - women about patriarchy
I got so jealous while researching the women's circles of the 70s that I created one. Introducing the new and improved Women's Circle 2026!
Note: The link to register for our upcoming book club zoom discussion is under the paywall at the end of this post. The discussion will be Sunday January 25th at 1:00pm and we will be discussing I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terrence Real. Register to get the zoom link emailed to you.
Join us by becoming a paid subscriber :)
A year ago, while working on a YouTube script about second-wave feminism, I went down a rabbit hole researching Consciousness Raising Groups of the 1970s.
I read about how in November 1967, five women started meeting in Anne Koedt’s apartment in New York City. The gatherings weren’t anything fancy. They would just go around the room talking about issues they faced as women.
One night one of the women said, “Would everybody please give me an example from their own life on how they experienced oppression as a woman? I need to hear it to raise my own consciousness.”
They started calling their little group a “consciousness raising group.”
As they continued to meet, they kept noticing patterns in their personal experiences. They soon realized that what they had always been told were just their own private problems were actually societal patterns.
As the original group started talking and teaching, the idea spread like wildfire.
By 1973, over 100,000 women all across the US belonged to consciousness raising groups.
The Women’s Liberation Union cited consciousness raising groups as “the backbone of the women’s liberation movement.”
And man! The women’s liberation movement got so much done! They:
Passed Title IX banning sex discrimination in education.
Passed the Equal Credit Opportunity Act of 1974 so women could open bank accounts and get credit cards.
Made it illegal to fire someone for being pregnant with the Pregnancy Discrimination Act.
Passed no-fault divorce laws in many states.
Expanded access to birth control.
Women meeting in small groups all over the country formed the backbone of all this change.
As I was reading about these groups, my overarching emotion was that of jealousy.
The more I read, the more I thought, “I want one!”
So last year, I created one.
Well, actually two. We had so many women interested, I thought it best to provide two different times for monthly meetings to keep things intimate and cozy.
And the groups have far exceeded my expectations. We have women in their 70s, women in their 20s, single women, married women, lawyers and stay at home moms. They’ve all taught me so much with their vulnerability, wisdom, rage and compassion. I love them.
I was hoping the group will be a sanctuary each month against the current misogynist political landscape.
And it has been.
I recently polled the women of last year’s women’s circle to get some ideas of how to make it better this year. Here is what they said about their experience:
In response to the question- what about women’s circle have you found valuable? They said:
This year we are doing things just a little differently. We will still have a once a month zoom discussion group, but we will also have a piece of content—a movie, podcast, TV show episode, article or YouTube video—to act as a springboard for the discussion.
I know life is busy, so I wrote the discussion questions so that everyone can participate in the discussion whether they consumed the piece of content for the month or not.
Oh! And for the months where the content is a movie- I’m going to provide a viewing party a week before the discussion so we can watch the movie at the same time and discuss our live thoughts in the zoom chat :) Fun!
Here is the discussion topic schedule for 2026:
March 8: Let’s talk bodies.
Piece of content: movie: Good Luck to You Leo Grande.
Discussion Questions:
What would have to change—both internally and collectively—to believe that desire and desirability is not something women age out of?
What does non-patriarchal pleasure look like for women? What is your relationship to pleasure?
What messages about “good women” and sex still live in your nervous system?
How has your relationship to your body been impacted by patriarchy?
Have you ever experienced your body being looked out without the lens of a patriarchal evaluation? Have you looked at yourself that way? How difficult is that to access for you?
April 12: Let’s talk feminism.
Piece of content: documentary: Women’s Libbers by BBCFour.
Discussion Questions:
Have the sins and blindspots of second wave feminist movement been corrected in today’s movements? Why or why not?
In what ways does feminism today feel more powerful than it did in the past? In what ways does it feel more constrained?
What stereotypes about feminists emerged during the Women’s Liberation Movement that are still circulating today?How have you been impacted personally by stereotypes of feminists?
What have you once seen as just a personal problem that you later realized was a systemic issue? What aspects of women’s lives are still treated as individual problems rather than societal patterns?
Why do feminist movements often experience generational tension? Have you felt this tension with the generation above and/or below you?
May 3: Let’s talk relationships and being chosen.
Piece of content: Article: Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?
Also this TikTok about the somatic high of being desired. Also this TikTok of de-centering romance.
Discussion questions:
What does it feel like in your body or bodily memory to be desired or chosen by men?
Have you ever felt pressured to perform partnership when you wanted self-sufficiency? Have you ever felt pressured to perform self-sufficiency when you wanted partnership?
What would it look like to be in partnership without autonomy taking a hit?
How do people in your life (family, friends, collegues, neighbors) see and treat women differently when they are coupled vs single?
In the different eras of your life, how much of your sense of self was tied to men?
Have you ever felt defensive of your relationship status?
June 7: Let’s talk male entitlement.
Piece of content: TV show: Adolescence Episode 3.
Discussion questions:
Where specifically do you see boys or men being taught that they are owed attention, admiration, sex or emotional labor from women? How young does this messaging start for boys?
What are some everyday examples of male entitlement that have impacted you?
What is the difference between understanding how patriarchy shapes men and excusing harmful behavior? Why do these get conflated so often?
What feelings lie underneath male entitlement?
What would it look like to raise boys without a sense of entitlement to women’s time, bodies, labor or emotional energy?
July 5: Let’s talk gender binary.
Piece of content: Podcast episode: Beyond the Gender Binary with Alok Vaid-Menon from the LGBTQ&A podcast
Discussion questions:
Why have so many societies maintained such strict categories for gender throughout the centuries and still today?
Where have you felt limited by gender binary thinking (both your own and others)? How is it both the same and different for men? For queer people?
What parts of yourself have you suppressed or exaggerated because of gender conformity?
In what circumstances do you still catch yourself making gendered assumptions without thinking?
What would it look like for people to exist beyond the gender binary man/woman categories in every day life? What would it look like for you to?
August 2: Let’s talk motherhood and isolation.
Piece of content: Movie: Nightbitch
Have you experienced isolation in motherhood? Do the mothers in your life? Do you think your mother did? Your grandmother? What does it look like? How has it affected you?
What myths about motherhood were sold during childhood? How have they impacted you?
What parts of female existence have been labeled monstrous, unacceptable or disgusting? Have you had those thoughts about yourself? Why?
Has your body ever told you the truth before you had thoughts or language around that truth? When?
September 6: Let’s talk white feminism.
Piece of content: TV show: Little Fires Everywhere Season 1: Episode 7.
Discussion questions:
What thoughts and feelings come up for you around the term “white feminism”?
Where do you see individual women’s experience treated as universal? Have you ever been guilty of this?
Have you had to change any of your beliefs around feminism to make it more expansive through the years?
What does accountability look like de-coupled from punishment, canceling or shame?
What mistakes from first and second wave feminism when it comes to race are still being perpetuated today? In what ways are they improving? What do we do when we see white feminism popping up in others or ourselves?
October 4: Let’s talk formative media.
Piece of content: Movie. Re-watch a romantic comedy or formative movie from the 80s, 90s or 00s. (When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, Dirty Dancing, Breakfast Club, etc)
Discussion questions:
What movie did you watch? What gendered red flags did you pick up on this time around that you didn’t notice when you first watched it?
How did you favorite movies growing up portray gender? How did you feel when you watched them initially?
What traits were most rewarded in the female characters? What kinds of women were framed as loveable? What kinds of women were framed as villains?
What gender inequalities were framed as sexy, charming or irrelevant?
How old were you when you started noticing problematic portrayals of gender roles?
What harmful messages around romance or gender roles do you find yourself noticing most in movies these days?
November 8: Let’s talk female friendship.
Piece of media: Article: How Pop Culture Turned Women Against Each Other— And How we Can Break the Cycle.
Discussion questions:
Tell us about your experience with female friendship throughout your life? Is female friendship primarily a source of solace in your life? Or grief? Fun? Stress? Why? What role do female friendships play in your life currently?
Did you absorb the message that other girls or women were competition? If so, where did that message come from? Does that messaging still affect your female friendships today? How?
Where do you see female competition being played out the most? Which generations are most susceptible?
Have you had an experience being seen as competition instead of as a friend?
December 6: Let’s talk about our moms.
Piece of media: YouTube interview of Jennette McCurdy on The Daily Show.
Discussion questions:
What was your relationship like to your mom growing up and today?
Have you felt the pressures of loyalty and forgiveness in your familial relationships of origin? Do you still? Have you acted against that pressure?
Would Jennette McCurdy’s book be as popular or shocking if it were about her dad? How have you noticed the different gender standards showing up in how you evaluate your parents or how others evaluate you? How you evaluate yourself?
What patterns from your family of origin do you still carry into your relationships today? What patterns have you transformed?
How did your mom’s relationship to her body shape your relationship to your body?
January 3: Let’s talk about matriarchy.
Piece of content: Documentary: Life in a Matriarchal Society
Discussion questions:
How would your life be different if you had grown up in a culture where women were in charge and respected? Where women primarily led in government, commerce, religion and romance?
If women truly trusted their authority in their relationships, community, professions, bodily and personally—what would change first?
Is it enough for women to trust their own authority if their society doesn’t?
When have you felt most powerful or authoritative in your life?
In which areas of your life do you feel freedom and agency? Which areas do you feel constraint and resentment?
The Deets
Who can join?
Any woman, queer, trans woman or nonbinary person who signs up for my founding membership.
How much is it?
$330 for a year.
How do I sign up?
Go to your Substack settings here, click on Matriarchal Blessing and when you get to this screen select “Women’s Circle” (note this is different than the $5 per month paid subscription.)
Where/when will we meet
We will meet the first Sunday of every month, except for the first two months which will be the second Sunday (see discussion schedule above for exact dates). I will provide two different meet time options for each discussion—one that meets at 10:00am-11:30am PST and one that meets at 12:00pm - 1:30pm PST. Two different calls ensures that we can keep the groups at a manageable size for a discussion and provides some flexibility for you. Choose the time slot that works best for your schedule.
I’m already a paid subscriber- Is this separate from book club?
Yes.
If you are a paid subscriber, you are automatically included in the quarterly book club, but if you would like to join the women’s circle, you will have to upgrade your subscription.
Book club will keep going unaffected. As a member of Women’s Circle- you can attend both the quarterly book clubs and these monthly discussion groups.
If you are just a $5 per month paid subscriber, you can only attend book club.
What’s my deadline to sign up?
Enrollment will close Monday, February 24th, and will not open again for a year.
Enrollment will only be open for a short window so that it will remain the same group of women all year and we can all get to know each other.
Will there be re-plays of any session I miss?
Yes. I will record every session and send out the replay.
Manage your subscription here.
I’m so excited about it! It’s going to be a great year! Message me if you have any other questions.