Confessions of a liar: my attempts at radical honesty

We all lie. I'm just starting to realize how very much we all lie. Here are some things I lie about.

I'm reading this book called Radical Honesty right now.

I heard about the book from some podcast or other and kept mulling on the title.

Honestly the book started affecting me before I even picked it up.

The premise is that we all lie all the time without even realizing it.

We say we'd be happy to help when we're not, that we'd like to go to that event when we don't, that we don't mind when we do.

We lie by keeping our desires to ourselves and never voicing them.

We lie when we’re angry but pretend not to be.

We lie when we pretend a marriage certificate suddenly makes us only attracted to one person for the rest of our lives.

We keep our mouths shut with truth if it would make someone else uncomfortable.

We say "Oh, its not that bad." When it is that bad.

We pretend we’re happy when we’re really disappointed.

We lie about purchases we make or how much something cost.

We lie about the real reason we are late to work.

We lie when we strive to present an image to the world that is fine, fine, fine, when we’re not fine at all.

In short, we’re all big, fat liars.

But…

what if we stopped lying?

What if we started being radically honest instead? About our feelings, our desires, our disappointments, thoughts, actions, screw ups, unpopular opinions, and anger?

Well, the book claims we'd actually all be a lot healthier.

And our relationships would all be a lot better.

I like learning new things about myself I hadn't noticed before.

I hadn’t realized how many juicy little lies I tell.

I hadn’t realized what those lies cost me.

So, let’s give this radical honest thing a go, eh?

Here are a few confessions of a dirty liar:

• The frequency with which I text "no worries!" about something that I AM worrying about is..... wildly unflattering.

• I hide coffee cups and evidence of food I buy.

• I don't ask friends to get together as often as I would like to for fear of rejection.

• I hide how much I worry about my kids.

• While I like to give off the impression that writing is effortless for me, I almost can't bring myself to write here again because my perfectionism is so exhausting to work with. Today, I set a timer for one hour and promised myself I would publish whatever came out as a practice of imperfection.

• I'm furious everyday at the patriarchy and its role in my life. Yet I still seek the world’s validation so I play the role of acceptable female (accommodating, attractive, easy going) that patriarchy has handed me more often than I’d like.

• I wear make up when I don't feel like it.

• I have really struggled to keep up my relationships with Mormon women because their lives make me sad. Because it reminds me of my past. Which makes me sad. I pretend everything is fine.

• I always wanted my social media presence to seem effortless- like this little thing I do in my free time. But I spent so much time and effort presenting that effortlessly competent presence, it was exhausting and I'm so much happier without it.

• I am an enneagram 3.

• I really don't like being an enneagram 3

• Because legitimately enneagram 3's (people who need attention/validation) are my least favorite people to be around.

• Sometimes I say I’m just seeing a text, when I saw it hours ago and didn’t feel like responding.

• I pretend I don't care about my body size, when in fact, I care very much. I don't like that I care, so I lie even to myself.

• I've always feared deep down that I am not a nice person. So I overcompensate by pretending to be nice when I don't feel like it to people who annoy me. When I can’t hide my annoyance, I avoid those people.

• I despise people feeling sorry for me, so I hide reasons they would (ie: when I’m lonely or feel left out).

There you go.

Some confessions for your Tuesday.

Ok now its your turn.

Respond back with some things you lie about. (and let me know in the response if you'd be ok with me sharing your confessions anonymously in my next email- let's get that community feel without social media- yeah??)

Till next time,

your friend the liar