This is incredible. Thank you for writing it! I have an almost 12 year old boy and am constantly on the lookout for manosphere creep. This piece helps give a framework and it is so accessible. I would definitely read a series!
Thank you so much for this brilliant piece. I am 42 years old learning more about the history of patriarchy! I am so concerned about how to protect my 3 year old son from patriarchy. He is only just starting to figure out that some people identify as girls/women and some identify as men/boys (and some as neither or both) and I desperately want to avoid him having to unlearn toxic social scripts as he gets older. Reading your article will help me immensely with this goal. I'm so grateful for your generosity in sharing this.
Wow. I sort of felt this all my life, but seeing it laid out in print is staggering. I'm 82, I have 2 sons - one is 63 and the other is 54. I always tried to raise them so they would be good human beings, but I have to wonder how much the pressures of the patriarchal society we live in influenced them. They are good men, and I think good human beings. We all as parents have the ability to educate our children to be good humans first of all. That would make this a much better world.
A brilliant and thorough piece, as always! Thank you, Celeste. I would love to share something like this with my 15-year-old who demonstrates burgeoning misogyny. However, though the article is comprehensive, I regret to admit that it is not manageable for modern boys of the tech era, many with TikTok-grade attention spans. Is there any way to condense this information into a palatable piece for an attention challenged and resistant young male?
Wow! Loved it! I do agree with one commenter that for most boys it can’t be shared in its totality. It would be a pretty unusual boy I would expect to read and digest all of this at one time. For me, I guess I will reread it more than once and insert pieces into conversations I have with boys and men. Thanks.
Thank you thank you thank you! I have two boys myself and strive to point them in a way that runs counter to the loud messages of the culture regarding manhood.
Only recently would I say I have grown and learned this thanks to the patient, loving partner I have in my wife.
Your piece reminded me of a quote I learned recently, by Pat Conroy,
“American men are allotted just as many tears as American women. but because we are forbidden to shed them, we die long before women do, with our hearts exploding or our blood pressure rising or our livers eaten away by alcohol because that lake of grief inside us has no outlet. We, men, die because our faces were not watered enough.”
May more and more men learn to water their faces. Not just for our own health, but the health of the whole society.
Mind blown! Not only is this well written and thoroughly researched, but it’s also delivered with such compassion and understanding for young men who are born into a system they don't understand — one that ultimately disempowers them in insidious ways. This is a masterpiece.
Finally - the piece of writing I've been looking for! I have a 17-year-old son, raised him mostly alone for the first 10 years of his life, tried to teach him the right things. He moved in with his dad then (long story), and I've noticed the effects of his peers and his dad as role models not being great with regards to masculinity. He's still a very thoughtful, kind boy but some of the comments he makes about women have sounded a bit entitled at times and it really worries me but I've not known how to correct him without shaming him. Luckily, we have a very open relationship and I know he comes to me with things he can't to this dad. So I hope to use this to open a conversation and hope it's not too late.
Your motherhood sounds like mine. THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS!!
As a mom boy -- I too am SOO concerned about patriarchy's affect on men. And part of why I do my work (Deconstructing Patriarchy) even though white evangelical women are still trying to shame me back in line to stop doing this work. This is so sad. Am pondering if i can send this to my teenage boys who are still deeply entrenched in the evangelical world and can almost see their eye rolls. Sigh. Maybe need to write my own. But this is AMAZING!!!!! "Have to prove and re-prove it." that is actually called "Fragile Masculinity" and did a few videos on this here:
AND -- season 1 on my YT is all about Foundations to Decosntructing Patriarchy, History and Myth to help us understand how we got here...how invisible this patriarchal structure can and still is...and what we can do about it. Hope this is all okay to share here...
This is incredible. Thank you for writing it! I have an almost 12 year old boy and am constantly on the lookout for manosphere creep. This piece helps give a framework and it is so accessible. I would definitely read a series!
Thank you so much for this brilliant piece. I am 42 years old learning more about the history of patriarchy! I am so concerned about how to protect my 3 year old son from patriarchy. He is only just starting to figure out that some people identify as girls/women and some identify as men/boys (and some as neither or both) and I desperately want to avoid him having to unlearn toxic social scripts as he gets older. Reading your article will help me immensely with this goal. I'm so grateful for your generosity in sharing this.
Wow. I sort of felt this all my life, but seeing it laid out in print is staggering. I'm 82, I have 2 sons - one is 63 and the other is 54. I always tried to raise them so they would be good human beings, but I have to wonder how much the pressures of the patriarchal society we live in influenced them. They are good men, and I think good human beings. We all as parents have the ability to educate our children to be good humans first of all. That would make this a much better world.
A brilliant and thorough piece, as always! Thank you, Celeste. I would love to share something like this with my 15-year-old who demonstrates burgeoning misogyny. However, though the article is comprehensive, I regret to admit that it is not manageable for modern boys of the tech era, many with TikTok-grade attention spans. Is there any way to condense this information into a palatable piece for an attention challenged and resistant young male?
Talk to him about one concept from it at a time.
Wow! Loved it! I do agree with one commenter that for most boys it can’t be shared in its totality. It would be a pretty unusual boy I would expect to read and digest all of this at one time. For me, I guess I will reread it more than once and insert pieces into conversations I have with boys and men. Thanks.
Thank you thank you thank you! I have two boys myself and strive to point them in a way that runs counter to the loud messages of the culture regarding manhood.
Only recently would I say I have grown and learned this thanks to the patient, loving partner I have in my wife.
Your piece reminded me of a quote I learned recently, by Pat Conroy,
“American men are allotted just as many tears as American women. but because we are forbidden to shed them, we die long before women do, with our hearts exploding or our blood pressure rising or our livers eaten away by alcohol because that lake of grief inside us has no outlet. We, men, die because our faces were not watered enough.”
May more and more men learn to water their faces. Not just for our own health, but the health of the whole society.
Oh wow what a quote! Thanks for sharing Tim!
Mind blown! Not only is this well written and thoroughly researched, but it’s also delivered with such compassion and understanding for young men who are born into a system they don't understand — one that ultimately disempowers them in insidious ways. This is a masterpiece.
Finally - the piece of writing I've been looking for! I have a 17-year-old son, raised him mostly alone for the first 10 years of his life, tried to teach him the right things. He moved in with his dad then (long story), and I've noticed the effects of his peers and his dad as role models not being great with regards to masculinity. He's still a very thoughtful, kind boy but some of the comments he makes about women have sounded a bit entitled at times and it really worries me but I've not known how to correct him without shaming him. Luckily, we have a very open relationship and I know he comes to me with things he can't to this dad. So I hope to use this to open a conversation and hope it's not too late.
Thank you for this. I look forward to reading your letter for daughters.
Ditto
So helpful
Your motherhood sounds like mine. THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS!!
As a mom boy -- I too am SOO concerned about patriarchy's affect on men. And part of why I do my work (Deconstructing Patriarchy) even though white evangelical women are still trying to shame me back in line to stop doing this work. This is so sad. Am pondering if i can send this to my teenage boys who are still deeply entrenched in the evangelical world and can almost see their eye rolls. Sigh. Maybe need to write my own. But this is AMAZING!!!!! "Have to prove and re-prove it." that is actually called "Fragile Masculinity" and did a few videos on this here:
What does it mean to BE A MAN: https://youtu.be/78e3FaYqkWQ?si=_Je1wPBDJLiKCTpR
Reaction video on Fragile Masculinity: https://www.youtube.com/live/ocyUbyb_rj0?si=LzCo941ZnnyseBs7
And this one: How men suffer under patriarchy too
https://youtu.be/anknaJOxepA?si=pQ38EvgVS2_wxF1d
AND -- season 1 on my YT is all about Foundations to Decosntructing Patriarchy, History and Myth to help us understand how we got here...how invisible this patriarchal structure can and still is...and what we can do about it. Hope this is all okay to share here...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kt-TxJa-Naw&list=PL3CJhfsjdGTp-vJz-sTUsuseShZ96jn_Z
pure gold
This is brilliant. I wish I’d been able to say something like this to my three sons before they were adults.
Excellent read that I have shared with my family and friends. I say yes to a series in this vein.
So helpful and informative-thank you!
Thanks Celeste! You are doing the work 👏. This is an amazing resource!!
Thank you for this!