I attribute American attitudes towards sex generally to the Puritan origins of the culture and American religiosity.
I also had questions about whether it was okay to let my voracious reader of a 10-year-old to read these YA novels I was consuming (he’d pick them up and start reading them on his own). I eventually decided that reading is the ideal way to expose a child to the idea of sex — on the page. There are no shocking visuals, no sound. There’s just what the reader imagines. So long as the scenes depict an emotionally healthy encounter, I decided it was fine.
But so many YA novels are saturated in violence. Turns out, that’s the element I really have to worry about.
Oddly enough even the Puritans were more sex positve than a lot of modern Americans. However they were also very influential in their suspicious view of rest and play in general.
But it dovetails nicely because when modern Americans think of pleasure, we almost immediately, and often exclusively think of sex.
The song “Holy War” by Alicia Keys is about this exact thing! Thank you for putting words to something I’ve felt but been unable to articulate. I grew up within purity culture and have only in recent years began to undo the sex is bad narrative, but as someone with an exceptionally sensitive nervous system, I’ve also always struggled with how casually American media depicts violence. I’ve always been the one covering my eyes and saying “This is not normal” about violence, and I’ve often been seen as weird for doing so. I appreciate the comparison you make between how the US handles this and how European countries handle this.
Your work is so important and well-researched and I don’t want to have internet nerds jump down your throat. There’s a mistake in the tagline. Obi Wan didn’t get sliced in half. Obi Wan sliced Darth Maul in half. Feel free to delete this comment- I don’t want to interrupt the discourse.
I grew up very online with parents who didn't put very much effort into monitoring my online activity. As a result, they didn't do very much to instill anti-sex attitudes in me. I've found that viewing sex or sexual content in film and tv while growing up has not turned me into a nymphomaniac, but has given me a more nuanced perspective on the role that sex plays in our lives and relationships and how different those roles can be between people. I feel avoiding sexual content hinders our education and exposure to diverse perspectives far more than avoiding senselessly violent content does.
Human bodies in all shapes and forms are works of art and should be celebrated as such. I am especially in awe of the female body. It creates, gives, and sustains life. That is something definitely worth celebrating. I would much rather have more boobs than violence in this country. Maybe then we would actually value human life. We wouldn't have to worry about sending our kids to school, we would treat each other with kindness and respect.
Many years ago I read an article about French lingerie shops before taking a trip to Paris. Something that one of the shop owners/designers said stuck with me. She said, "You have to remember that there is no Puritan tradition in France. We are Catholic, and the most wonderful thing about that religion is the concept of confession. You sin, you confess, and then . . . you sin again!” I often imagine how different this country would be if it were settled by a group other than the Puritans. Maybe then we would be as uncomfortable with violence as our European friends and more comfortable with human bodies and healthy, consensual sex.
Fascinating. While I grew up without religion (thank you to my parents - feels like a lottery that one) I very much still have a problem with sex and bodies that I’m trying to break down. Your questions- is it love, what are its fruits- I’ll give them a try.
Also maybe I will throw out my George RR Martin collection because his titillating rape scenes freak me out and I have zero intention of rereading them, but keep in mind that my Robin Hobb collection is appropriate for my kids whenever they are old enough to want to read them.
Oh my gosh I can’t with George RR Martin!!! It absolutely freaks me out how we’ve all collectively just been like “Oh horrifically violent rape scene between a 70 year old man and a teenage girl written by a 70 year old man?! We’re all ok with that!” and not only ok, but award winning and drooling over?!?! It’s bananas.
This is such an interesting conceptual idea/theory that I have NEVER thought about before, but now that you point it out, it seems so obvious!! How can violence be so normalized and sex so shamed?
I don’t think I am in a purity detox myself, but I am definitely unpicking and unravelling 20 years of “personal development”/spirituality and trying to figure out what I think and believe, not what some guru has told me is The Way (this includes an 18-month period spent immersed in Hillsong two decades ago).
Loved this powerful piece. I am inspired, and I do not say that often.
This discussion has gone on for ages and here, in Nigeria, where I'm currently writing from, it's the same.
Growing up, I could watch action movies without fear in the presence of my parents but once there was a slight mention or hint of romance in the movie, it became something to watch behind closed doors.
There's no plainer to have it put that the way you tabled it, with facts, opinions and stats.
I'll be sure to practice your metric for measuring my thoughts now.
I read anything I could get my hands on at a young age and it didn’t harm me or turn me into a slut. I hate watching violence and in the last few years I refuse to do so. I realize this leaves me with little to watch. That’s okay by me. Our country is a mess in so many ways.
I attribute American attitudes towards sex generally to the Puritan origins of the culture and American religiosity.
I also had questions about whether it was okay to let my voracious reader of a 10-year-old to read these YA novels I was consuming (he’d pick them up and start reading them on his own). I eventually decided that reading is the ideal way to expose a child to the idea of sex — on the page. There are no shocking visuals, no sound. There’s just what the reader imagines. So long as the scenes depict an emotionally healthy encounter, I decided it was fine.
But so many YA novels are saturated in violence. Turns out, that’s the element I really have to worry about.
Oddly enough even the Puritans were more sex positve than a lot of modern Americans. However they were also very influential in their suspicious view of rest and play in general.
But it dovetails nicely because when modern Americans think of pleasure, we almost immediately, and often exclusively think of sex.
The song “Holy War” by Alicia Keys is about this exact thing! Thank you for putting words to something I’ve felt but been unable to articulate. I grew up within purity culture and have only in recent years began to undo the sex is bad narrative, but as someone with an exceptionally sensitive nervous system, I’ve also always struggled with how casually American media depicts violence. I’ve always been the one covering my eyes and saying “This is not normal” about violence, and I’ve often been seen as weird for doing so. I appreciate the comparison you make between how the US handles this and how European countries handle this.
Your work is so important and well-researched and I don’t want to have internet nerds jump down your throat. There’s a mistake in the tagline. Obi Wan didn’t get sliced in half. Obi Wan sliced Darth Maul in half. Feel free to delete this comment- I don’t want to interrupt the discourse.
Haha thanks Sarah ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I’m leaving this right in the discourse
I grew up very online with parents who didn't put very much effort into monitoring my online activity. As a result, they didn't do very much to instill anti-sex attitudes in me. I've found that viewing sex or sexual content in film and tv while growing up has not turned me into a nymphomaniac, but has given me a more nuanced perspective on the role that sex plays in our lives and relationships and how different those roles can be between people. I feel avoiding sexual content hinders our education and exposure to diverse perspectives far more than avoiding senselessly violent content does.
Human bodies in all shapes and forms are works of art and should be celebrated as such. I am especially in awe of the female body. It creates, gives, and sustains life. That is something definitely worth celebrating. I would much rather have more boobs than violence in this country. Maybe then we would actually value human life. We wouldn't have to worry about sending our kids to school, we would treat each other with kindness and respect.
Many years ago I read an article about French lingerie shops before taking a trip to Paris. Something that one of the shop owners/designers said stuck with me. She said, "You have to remember that there is no Puritan tradition in France. We are Catholic, and the most wonderful thing about that religion is the concept of confession. You sin, you confess, and then . . . you sin again!” I often imagine how different this country would be if it were settled by a group other than the Puritans. Maybe then we would be as uncomfortable with violence as our European friends and more comfortable with human bodies and healthy, consensual sex.
Fascinating. While I grew up without religion (thank you to my parents - feels like a lottery that one) I very much still have a problem with sex and bodies that I’m trying to break down. Your questions- is it love, what are its fruits- I’ll give them a try.
Also maybe I will throw out my George RR Martin collection because his titillating rape scenes freak me out and I have zero intention of rereading them, but keep in mind that my Robin Hobb collection is appropriate for my kids whenever they are old enough to want to read them.
Oh my gosh I can’t with George RR Martin!!! It absolutely freaks me out how we’ve all collectively just been like “Oh horrifically violent rape scene between a 70 year old man and a teenage girl written by a 70 year old man?! We’re all ok with that!” and not only ok, but award winning and drooling over?!?! It’s bananas.
This is such an interesting conceptual idea/theory that I have NEVER thought about before, but now that you point it out, it seems so obvious!! How can violence be so normalized and sex so shamed?
I don’t think I am in a purity detox myself, but I am definitely unpicking and unravelling 20 years of “personal development”/spirituality and trying to figure out what I think and believe, not what some guru has told me is The Way (this includes an 18-month period spent immersed in Hillsong two decades ago).
Loved this powerful piece. I am inspired, and I do not say that often.
One of my fav posts of yours. Fabulous!
This discussion has gone on for ages and here, in Nigeria, where I'm currently writing from, it's the same.
Growing up, I could watch action movies without fear in the presence of my parents but once there was a slight mention or hint of romance in the movie, it became something to watch behind closed doors.
There's no plainer to have it put that the way you tabled it, with facts, opinions and stats.
I'll be sure to practice your metric for measuring my thoughts now.
Does it feel like love?
What are its fruits?
I read anything I could get my hands on at a young age and it didn’t harm me or turn me into a slut. I hate watching violence and in the last few years I refuse to do so. I realize this leaves me with little to watch. That’s okay by me. Our country is a mess in so many ways.