Absolutely! Thanks for the tiktok repost - he nails it. When I taught Women's Lit I brought in a bunch of my male colleagues to explain their experience with masculinity. Football coach, older teachers, younger ones - we all changed that day when they started sharing things they had NEVER told anyone. The loneliness, lack of touch and constant pressure to PROVE they were actually men were heartbreaking. It does suck to be a woman but I get to just be one, I don't have to step up and BE a man in the same way that men have to do in the US. One book that really helped me teach my course was For the Love of Men by Liz Plank. Very curious to see the comments on this great essay!
Did those men, I wonder, also discuss pressure when it comes to being a provider, or living up to the expectation as such? I don't know if the topic is too-often talked about, but in my own experience, it can be quite stressful and crumbling.
They didn't at that time but I know from watching my brother and other male relatives that this pressure is unceasing. And in the dating world as well - men have been getting these subtle and not so subtle messages their whole lives and will often sacrifice their own pursuits to do this supposedly more valiant one of supporting everyone...
This is why I continue to champion the dismantling of patriarchy. I will showcase what accessing feminine traits looks like. I will continue to teach how patriarchy impacts and limits men. I will continue to support lgbtq+ rights who exemplify broader expressions of the gender spectrum.
It's a sad thing that the viewpoint of men expressing vulnerability and emotions aside from anger is seen as something along the lines of what is feminine. It's *human* to have emotions and vulnerability! Of all the things that needs the most change....this one is up there.
Celeste! Like always, you put into words what I couldn’t. Thank you!
Last week I was having a conversation with my very traditional, conservative brother-in-law about gender inequality in the education system, how more women are getting higher ed degrees than men. He goes, “well I’m pretty sure it’s because of the feminist movement. Those women have made it harder for men and made everything worse, turning men into losers…” (why he thought it was okay to say that to me, a woman and strong feminist, I cannot fathom — but I digress).
I instinctively knew he was wrong but didn’t have the language for how it’s not women’s fault and that’s absurd. Thank you for articulating what I couldn’t, and hopefully I can next time! Not that I think he will change his mind listening to me, one of those damn feminist woman, anyway :)
If we want a more just world for women, collectively, we need to raise better men. And that goes for *everyone*, whether they have a biological child or not. We are all responsible. "It takes a village."
Thought provoking and very well written. I appreciate your notes at the bottom where you identify your hypotheses and findings are based on ‘white’ men. I do think that race must also enter the conversation because it does affect gender and the patriarchy. Keep enlightening others!
This is exactly why that song “I’m still a guy” by Brad Paisley has always bugged me! He sings about oh I’ll do all this feminine stuff with you but not because I want to. I’m too manly.” It’s so annoying!
The presence of a consistent, good male leader, model, and father figure goes a long way for men, as individuals. Especially for boys with absent fathers. Without this, the expectations and norms of “being a man” falls to something like the least common denominator: gangs and tribal displays of prowess. This is the importance of a healthy masculine in any culture. This makes “men as a group” weak. We can get there. Some men are there. Spaces for men to share with each other is an important part of this.
So profound. It never quite clicked to me why men were unhappy in a system they set up, until you delicately pointed out it's a small minority of men running the show. I haven't heard of the Tiktoker you quoted but his content looks amazing!
So brilliantly put Celeste thank you & I will immediately be following Cyzor, when/if I sign up for TikTok (yes I'm that old). I often think this when thinking about my nephews, the oldest is about to turn 17 and how hard it must be to be a young man. The patriarchy is only really benefitting a few and dismantling it is about creating a more equitable world rather than pitting women against men.
Absolutely! Thanks for the tiktok repost - he nails it. When I taught Women's Lit I brought in a bunch of my male colleagues to explain their experience with masculinity. Football coach, older teachers, younger ones - we all changed that day when they started sharing things they had NEVER told anyone. The loneliness, lack of touch and constant pressure to PROVE they were actually men were heartbreaking. It does suck to be a woman but I get to just be one, I don't have to step up and BE a man in the same way that men have to do in the US. One book that really helped me teach my course was For the Love of Men by Liz Plank. Very curious to see the comments on this great essay!
Wow that class sounds really powerful- what a cool experience. And yes so many of my essays are sparked from For the Love of Men! Paradigm shifting.
Did those men, I wonder, also discuss pressure when it comes to being a provider, or living up to the expectation as such? I don't know if the topic is too-often talked about, but in my own experience, it can be quite stressful and crumbling.
They didn't at that time but I know from watching my brother and other male relatives that this pressure is unceasing. And in the dating world as well - men have been getting these subtle and not so subtle messages their whole lives and will often sacrifice their own pursuits to do this supposedly more valiant one of supporting everyone...
I wish I'd known earlier as a way to prepare myself.
This is why I continue to champion the dismantling of patriarchy. I will showcase what accessing feminine traits looks like. I will continue to teach how patriarchy impacts and limits men. I will continue to support lgbtq+ rights who exemplify broader expressions of the gender spectrum.
Go Arturo go! We are cheering you on 🙌🙌
It's a sad thing that the viewpoint of men expressing vulnerability and emotions aside from anger is seen as something along the lines of what is feminine. It's *human* to have emotions and vulnerability! Of all the things that needs the most change....this one is up there.
Celeste! Like always, you put into words what I couldn’t. Thank you!
Last week I was having a conversation with my very traditional, conservative brother-in-law about gender inequality in the education system, how more women are getting higher ed degrees than men. He goes, “well I’m pretty sure it’s because of the feminist movement. Those women have made it harder for men and made everything worse, turning men into losers…” (why he thought it was okay to say that to me, a woman and strong feminist, I cannot fathom — but I digress).
I instinctively knew he was wrong but didn’t have the language for how it’s not women’s fault and that’s absurd. Thank you for articulating what I couldn’t, and hopefully I can next time! Not that I think he will change his mind listening to me, one of those damn feminist woman, anyway :)
Thanks for writing this article. I believe it should be mandatory reading for everybody.
If we want a more just world for women, collectively, we need to raise better men. And that goes for *everyone*, whether they have a biological child or not. We are all responsible. "It takes a village."
Thanks for this post! You clarified a lot for me on how to explain how patriarchy hurts men too. And thanks for quoting me!
Been following him on instagram for awhile. 🙌🏼
Thought provoking and very well written. I appreciate your notes at the bottom where you identify your hypotheses and findings are based on ‘white’ men. I do think that race must also enter the conversation because it does affect gender and the patriarchy. Keep enlightening others!
This is exactly why that song “I’m still a guy” by Brad Paisley has always bugged me! He sings about oh I’ll do all this feminine stuff with you but not because I want to. I’m too manly.” It’s so annoying!
"It would be a whole lot easier without patriarchy." Hell, yes.
The presence of a consistent, good male leader, model, and father figure goes a long way for men, as individuals. Especially for boys with absent fathers. Without this, the expectations and norms of “being a man” falls to something like the least common denominator: gangs and tribal displays of prowess. This is the importance of a healthy masculine in any culture. This makes “men as a group” weak. We can get there. Some men are there. Spaces for men to share with each other is an important part of this.
So profound. It never quite clicked to me why men were unhappy in a system they set up, until you delicately pointed out it's a small minority of men running the show. I haven't heard of the Tiktoker you quoted but his content looks amazing!
Reading this has removed a huge load from my shoulders. Thank you Celeste.
So brilliantly put Celeste thank you & I will immediately be following Cyzor, when/if I sign up for TikTok (yes I'm that old). I often think this when thinking about my nephews, the oldest is about to turn 17 and how hard it must be to be a young man. The patriarchy is only really benefitting a few and dismantling it is about creating a more equitable world rather than pitting women against men.
Love Cyzor! He posts most of his did on Instagram as well if you use that more
I've just found him, thanks Stephanie
Another brilliant post, Celeste. I love the clear explanation of why some men feel attacked when we critique the system that oppresses *all* of us.
What an eye opening read. Thank you.