How to respond to "the gospel is perfect, but the people aren't"
Don't mind me, just re-writing a recent conversation.
It’s been years since I’ve deep-dived face to face with an active Mormon about Mormonism. But I did this last weekend.
Naturally, I’ve been replaying the conversation in my head.
Naturally you all are now the lucky beneficiaries of the “what I wish I had said better” revisionist history rumination.1
In response to “I love the gospel, it’s just the culture that’s the problem”:
Every problem in “church culture” can be linked to the Mormon God.
The people are homophobic because they must worship a God that doesn’t allow queerness in heaven.
The people are judgmental because they are forced to praise a God who put them here to test them, and then hold judgment when they die.
The people are racist because they have a God who withheld salvation from black people for a century without apology or explanation.
The people are sexist because their God gave His priesthood power to men and not women.
The people are perfectionistic because their God requires perfection to be in his presence.
The people cut ties with those who leave the church because their God cuts ties with them both in this life by withdrawing his presence and in the next.
God is not cultural. God is as doctrinal as it gets.
The problem goes straight to the top.
In response to “the gospel is perfect but the people aren’t”:
For me, it’s exactly the opposite.
I wrote an essay on Instagram about this very thing a few years ago.
Excuse the gratuity but allow me to quote that article:
It’s not the people.
The people are what makes the church so special. The community is by far the hardest thing to leave behind.
The church is good only because the people are good, and the people are good IN SPITE of the gospel, NOT because of it.
The gospel centers on the plan of salvation where God sent his children here to test their worth. The gospel outlines how families are separated after this life based on how they perform here. The gospel teaches our job here is to obey and repent.
Considering this, it’s remarkable the people have been able to create a community as loving (for the most part) as they have.
But imagine what these people could create WITHOUT these many, many barriers to love?!?!
Can you imagine a community without the fear? Without the judgment? Without the blind obedience? Without the homophobic, sexism, racist, judgmental perfectionistic God?
It’s the gospel that barricades from love. The people are doing the best they can to love as much as they can within those stringent barriers.
All of my fond memories in the church are because of the people: getting ready for dances with my girlfriends, laughing until milk came out of my nose with my mission companion, staying two hours after primary presidency meetings catching up on life.
Meanwhile my memories living under the gospel fill me with grief: repenting every single day for being lazy, begging and pleading God to just tell me what his will is, trying so hard to live up to the gift of the atonement.
I can’t tell you how beautiful and freeing it has been to live without the gospel.
I get to really and truly believe that I am enough, that I was born enough, that I never have to prove or earn anything.
Can you imagine a life where you don’t have to earn or prove your worth?! Ever?!
It’s incredible. 10 stars. Highly recommend.
Contrary to some of my Instagram DMs, I don’t wish for everyone to leave the church. I know it’s a community so many count on. I know its complicated for so many for so many reasons. I fully respect that.
But I do wish everyone could live without the fear the gospel instills.
Ok, I’m kind of out of practice at this, how did I do? Give me your thoughts? How are these conversations going for you?
I actually have strong feelings about NOT having these debates because TRYING to change someone’s mind is a sure-fire way to NOT change anyone’s mind. Therefore, I can’t in good conscience recommend using these arguments. This article is more for me to explain myself to myself, not change anyone’s mind.
Celeste, this is profound!!
It’s so interesting (and so incredibly sad) that we can only see these truths when we have stepped away. To those who are “all in” your assessment of the culture created by following Mormon God may be viewed as bitter and angry, but in reality it is just…difficult and brutal truth.
(Side note: That comic is amazing and I’m totally stealing it and sharing it on Facebook!)
In regards to your second point, isn’t it also interesting that this apologist argument is used primarily when a church leader says something we don’t like? I mean, if we question the words of the prophet, this is the apologist’s go to argument, right? The gospel/church is perfect, but the people — even the prophet himself — is fallible and imperfect. The Church leadership should never be questioned, until they say or do something that isn’t faith-affirming, something that makes our moral compass go all haywire, and then we are required to show them grace, because they are, after all, just men, and because they are just men, we should cut them a little slack. Please momentarily disregard the teaching and suspend your belief that they are the mouthpieces of God, and are supposed to be telling us what God wants and expects of us. It is quite literally the church’s version of, “Pay no mind to the man behind the curtain…”
This the-gospel-is-perfect-the-people-are-not argument is also used when local leadership or someone else at church does something that hurts us or offends us. In those cases, I’m more inclined to show those people grace for being less-than-perfect, because they are not claiming to speak FOR GOD. All to often, they are acting in hurtful or offensive ways because they are doing what they truly believe God wants, requires or expects them to do. Why? Because it is what the prophet or other church leadership has told them it is what God wants, requires or expects them to do. So many ex-Mormons understand the sad truth behind the snarky tongue-in-cheek statement, “I’m sorry for what I said when I was Mormon.”
Church leadership enforces, supports, defends, and even sometimes rewards all the ugliness, and expects faithful, obedient members to do the same. But if enough people push back, they say, “Well, you should pray about it and get your own confirmation that what we’re saying is true…” and even then, for the faithful, obedient member, the expected, anticipated answer to prayer is that OF COURSE what the leadership is saying is true. When the answer to our prayers is, “I don’t know….this doesn’t feel true…in fact, it feels kinda yucky…” those are the things we are told to put on our shelves. Those are the things we are expected to just accept, with the faith that it will all make sense in the next life. And when the people continue to push back, sometimes, policies are reversed or doctrine is changed just enough to keep the peace and it’s called continued revelation. I’m sorry, but no. I reject that play, because at that point, harm has already been done. This has happened again and again throughout church history, and it’s not okay.
Okay, taking off my angry armor now. Deep breaths…
I love your examples of kindness and goodness you shared about the people from your church community who had a positive impact on you in your life. What a beautiful testament to the goodness of humans!! I would say those people are not good humans because of the church. They are good humans IN SPITE of it, and they would be good humans without the gospel…probably even better!! Since leaving the church, I find that I am able to love more honestly, more fully, more openly than I was as a member, when “love others” had parameters and conditions set by Mormon God.
I was talking to someone this week who very recently left the church, and he was telling me about the many friendships and relationships that would be lost because of that decision, and how difficult that realization had been. For him and his wife, that loss is proving to be very painful. I assured him that there are a lot of post-Mormons and ex-Mormons who know all too well the pain he and his wife are feeling, and that there is a whole new community of humans who will love, support and validate them. I warned him that, sure, we can get a little bit salty from time to time, but we also have a lot of love to give. His response was, “We are finding our people. It’s true, that the circle of associations gets smaller, but the caliber of people who stay in the circle, is next level.”
Thank you for this post. It give readers much to think about. It’s a great reminder of how different things can look when we allow ourselves to view them through a different lens. ❤️🩹
Nailed it. I don’t try to convince anyone who still believes but I am lucky that my family who are in and believing treat me with 100% unconditional love. And for me the community is what I miss the most and why I wouldn’t want to separate my family members from their tribe. It is painful. But sadly the doctrinal God is the bad guy or rather often brings out the worst in many church leaders. “The god of the Old Testament is one of the most awful characters in all of fiction.” (Paraphrasing Richard Dawkins).