I Hereby Declare Myself.... good enough

I'm officially retiring from self improvement. You heard it here first.

So I’m in this poetry group.

We meet every month. Every month we study a poet, then each write a poem on that month’s poetry prompt.

Last month was my turn to choose the poet and the prompt.

I chose Erica Jong.

Omigosh do you know her? Do you la-la-la-love her?

Me too.

She has quickly ascended to the top spot on my ladder of favorite poets. I simply adore her honesty, sass and poignance.

(If you buy one of her poetry books, let it be this one)

I was introduced to her whilst listening to an audio book called Radical Honesty (I wrote an article about that here). The author, Brad Blanton reads out the entirety of Jong’s poem called Testament (Homage to Walt Whitman).

I loved the poem immediately, but I was listening while on a walk so I didn’t write down the poet’s name. As the days crept by, her repeated phrase “I declare myself for joy” played round and round my head like a record.

Eventually I meticulously scrolled back through my audiobook until I found the name of the poet and the poem. It’s been a favorite ever since.

Here’s a snippet from her Testament poem:

“I, Erica Jong, in the midst of my life,
having had two parents, two sisters,
two husbands, two books of poems
& three decades of pain,

having cried for those who did not love me
& those who loved me – but not enough
& those whom I did not love –
declare myself now for joy.

There is pain enough to nourish us everywhere
it is joy that is scarce.

There are corpses piled up to the mountains,
& tears to drown in,
& bile enough to swallow all day long.

Rage is a common weed.
Anger is cheap.......

Unhappiness is cheap.
Childhood is a universal affliction.
I say to hell with the analysts of minus & plus,
the life-shrinkers, the diminishers of joy.

I say to hell with anyone
who would suck on misery
like a pacifier
in a toothless mouth.
I say to hell with gloom......

I resolve now for joy.

Read the rest here (do it!)

For my poetry prompt I made us all write our own Testament poem a la Erica Jong’s.

I thought briefly about what I would declare myself for in my own testament poem. I couldn’t be a copycat and do joy. What would it be then? Peace? Abundance? Honesty? Contentment? Creativity? Ease? Authenticity? Fun?

So many good choices! I decided not to pre-meditate on it and just let whatever wanted to come out of me arise on its own in real time as I wrote the poem.

The morning of my poetry group meeting I got out my pink poetry notebook, the scratchy pencil I like and started writing.

“I, Celeste Davis….. declare myself for….” and then I found my scratchy pencil scratching out “good enough.”

That’s it? My pencil kind of surprised me. Nothing more ambitious than good enough?

And just so we’re clear - I’m not talking good enough like you’re trying to convince someone “I AM good enough dammit!” but more like when you wipe down your counters, take a step back, notice all the remaining streaks and crumbs, shrug and say, “meh, good enough.”

This poem is me taking a step back, looking at my life, cocking my head and declaring, “yeah good enough.”

Maybe that sounds sad or unambitious, but when I say “good enough” I mean it less in the apathetic sense, more in the celebratory sense.

If you would like to declare yourself for something, I would love it if you let us know what in the comments.

Here’s the full poem I wrote that day (and in the true spirit of ‘good enough’ I didn’t edit one word from the original pencil scratch):

---

Testament (Homage to Erica Jong)

I, Celeste Davis,
soon to enter the fourth decade of my life-
having two parents, one sister, one husband, two daughters, two sons
and three decades of 'shoulds'

having cried over my lack,
my missed morning routines, my weight, my always cluttered front room, my push over parenting skills, my inability to please everyone, my loneliness and number of minutes wasted on my phone-

declare myself now good enough.

I'm tired of getting out that old worn measuring tape,
tired of squinting one eye at my fellow humans, mentally calculating
how many inches I'm off from my peers' averages:
number of friends, number of pounds, number of dollars.

Tired of using that old measuring tape to measure that infernal gap between me and the ideal I've set for myself.

Scales and measuring tapes are cheap.
It's self-acceptance that's scarce.

I'm hereby retiring from self-improvement plans.
Consider this my two-weeks notice.

I'm casting off on the river of abundance, gratitude, and freedom

I declare myself now good enough.

Good enough body, health, plant-eating, weight, sleep, exercise.
Good enough kitchen floor, shoe organization, dining room table, laundry system and scummy bathtub.
Good enough income, ambition, job, success.
Good enough lawn, weeds, overgrown flower beds and half garden.
Good enough home and home decor.
Good enough parenting, screen-time policies, play dates, extracurriculars, discipline, reading time.
Good enough daughter, sister, daughter-in-law.
Good enough number of friends, coffee invites, parties and double dates.
Good enough clothes, hair care, skin care, make up.
Good enough neighbor.
Good enough writer.
Good enough mother.
Good enough wife.
Good enough human.

Good enough portion of the universe experiencing itself as me.
Good enough collection of walking, talking, thinking cells and atoms.
Good enough evolution of star dust.

Good enough.

---

How about you? What would you like to hereby declare yourself?