I know it’s an extroverted world, full of people who feed on the energy of others. For them, community is life. For introverts, who renew their energy through alone time, I suppose community may be one or two good friends. So many articles on the need for community don’t seem to consider us.
Oh, thank you for that! I hesitated to say anything. Not only do I agree that “community” is not defined by quantity, but I also would argue that community is not defined in spatial terms. If I count them, I have many good friends. They live all over the country and most do not know each other. We form a network, not a circle. We text, email, even talk on the phone. We visit at various intervals.
I agree! I think the notion of community has been hijacked by the extroverts of the world - and as Suzanne said (in another comment), my community is scattered but no less important or supportive. Community comes in all shapes and sizes :-)
"If boys are raised worshipping a God who needs no one, answers to no one and cannot be wounded, it should not surprise us that when they gain power, they try to become Him."🔥🔥🔥
This is so obvious, but so hard to see. I was born in the 50s, when boys were raised to worship cowboys, (John Wayne) & Superman. I wish I had understood this when I married my 2nd husband at 32.
But like most women, I have built my community from dear, close women friends. I am also an introvert but I see all of them, (maybe 8?), one or two sat a time. They know my vulnerabilities, I know theirs & we are deeply supportive of one another.
This is something few men know. By the time they are adults, that wall is impenetrable & they let no one through. I give up. I've spent my life trying to be emotionally intimate with men I love & they simply cannot or will not allow it, although they definitely want me for emotional support. This is bad for all of us, but I can't fix it.
Because men think that they have to fix things and they feel inadequate when they can't fix emotional problems. They don't understand the concept of “emotional support.” Except gay men, of course.
Very compelling. I'm glad you put forth the Harvard study. There's another study your essay reminded me of which is the one that shows that many lottery winners become unhappy because they are cut off from their community and unsure why people really like them. Perhaps people like Bryan Johnson and Jeff Bezos can be considered lottery winners who become unmoored by their sudden wealth.
I read that study as well. There are support groups for lottery winners. Many social dynamics occur and winners become stigmatized by family members and friends.
Your comment also brought me to wonder about the point of living - and of course, money and work probably are big part of the reason we get up every morning but I'd say those are just supposed to support our more materialist needs and wants, but the true meaning of life is to have people to spend that life with.
The best person in this whole story is MacKenzie Bezos Scott. Maybe she should be the model for money and power instead of her terrible ex-spouse. Was just looking into Bryan Johnson's ex-spouse and wow there are a lot of NDAs and bad experiences. So, that's something too.
I am afraid that you have mischaracterized the Christian God. According to Christian theology God exists only in community -- Father, Son and Holy Spirit. It is out of that love that creation is called into existence. "Let us make man in our own image". Jesus also lived, worked, taught, healed, preached and loved in community. He travelled with 12 men and also a number of women. What He preached was community -- love your neighbor which is the essence of community. By the way, thank you for what you write.
I appreciate your comment because it helps me see how many different ways people think about God. It often feels like there are as many versions of God as there are people.
I hear what you’re saying about God being relational, and I find myself wondering how often that gets lived out in communities. I’ve been thinking about how, even when churches talk about God as community (like the Trinity), God is still usually described as male, strong, and in charge. I wonder how that picture shapes boys and men—and girls and women—as they grow up.
Thank you so much for this. You raise a very good point. I would say two things. One is that any attempt to describe a transcendent God is bound to be inadequate, hence like the blind men describing the proverbial elephant, different people can view different aspects of God. The second is that the Christian Church has seldom preached and lived out the God who exists in community. As a matter of fact, the Christian Church, unfortunately, has been, and still is, one of the most patriarchal institutions in the world. Both of the major branches of Christendom limit their leadership to men, and not just men in general, but unmarried men for the most part, much to it's, and the world's, detriment. I also believe that patriarchy and individualism go hand in hand and have led to the toxic masculinity that we see rampant in society today.
Finally, on a personal note. I was ordained as a priest in the Episcopal Church at a time when women were just beginning to be ordained, so I have a snapshot of the church both before and after women's ordination. I can safely say that the church is a fuller, richer, more vibrant, more compassionate, and more inclusive place with women sharing leadership roles. The best bishops that I have served under have all been women.
I’ve been reading Batman comics for decades and the great irony here is that Bruce Wayne’s greatest accomplishment is the family he has built around him as well as the friendships he has with other heroes. Depending on the writer, he embraces it or is a closed-off grump.
In fact, the first Robin—Dick Grayson—“grew up” to become Nightwing, who carries on a similar mission but is one of the most-loved heroes in the DCU. He has his own family in the Titans, successful romantic relationships (Batgirl and Starfire), and the nicest butt of any super hero (not kidding, it’s a running joke in comic fandom). Robin and Nightwing have been my favorite comic book characters since I was 13.
I’m going too far down the geek rabbit hole here.
But that’s the comics and the movies decide that he’s better off as the brooding loner, showing us all that men will do anything to avoid going to therapy.
1)For much of his history, Batman wasn't invulnerable. It's really startling reading older stories and realizing that good as he was, even an average guy could deck him with a lucky punch.
2)Harry Potter is all about community. It's not simply a story of becoming a powerful wizard, it's about a lonely kid who finds friends and a community. If he didn't organize Dumbledore's Army and tried going it alone, he'd never have made it through the series.
Another point, Disney's Hercules is an anomaly in showing him as a puny kid. Mythologically he was able to strangle snakes while he was still in diapers. I believe most modern versions of Herc show him much the same.
Read a piece about Bryan Johnson a while ago, and while it is true that he doesn’t have a community, he does have a female assistant who follows him everywhere, prepares all his meals for him, handles his responsibilities, helps him with his penis machine that logs his erections, and the wildest of all, she lives the same lifestyle. She's drank the cool aid and she thinks she on board to immortality. But she does all the things for him women traditionally do for men. So I guess that if their goals come true, and the rest of the humanity perish and the universe becomes a cold void, the patriarchy will still survive. How reassuring.
Pluribus has me so conflicted between agency, community, and self-realization. It takes community to the maximum possible escalation. The extremes are always fun to explore, we can then dial them back and find the goldilocks space.
Interesting observation! I haven't watched the show, but in my personal life I feel constantly conflicted between the needs/desires of community/belonging and autonomy/self-actualization. Trying to figure out how to walk that line, being able to rely on people and be reliable but also direct my own life in a proactive way.
I quit watching it before the end of the first season, but I think they think of themselves as a single organism. No one has independent thought, desire, need, or even perspective. That's what I look for in community -- difference as well as commonality.
What Bryan Johnson does is worse than take his son's plasma. He circulates it into him and his into his son, and this is a technique that has actually been shown to transfer young stem cells to old and vice versa and cause some level of reversal in aging. But at the direct cost to the son. In other words, he can't take his to slow aging without accelerating it in his son...he is QUITE LITERALLY sucking the youth from his own child.
It's sick and disgusting. I think it's been proven enough times in history that some men...at least the types motivated to so ruthlessly climb to the top of the pyramid as this type...have essentially a defective code in their brain that will never ever ever tell them when enough is enough. They cannot stop striving for more....more power, more wealth, more glory, more life, even when they have more than everyone else on a planet of 8 billion. It should be recognized and treated for what it is: a mental illness and a destructive addiction.
I see what you’re saying here and it makes me wonder even more about the god complex that Bryan must have. Especially considering that the Christian idea of God is that he sacrifices His son for the benefit of the world. It seems sort of in line with what Bryan is doing….Sacrificing his own son for “science” or for the “benefit of the human race…” makes me feel gross thinking about all of this.
Let's be fair, though. Rockefeller also created the General Education Board. And we no longer die from preventable diseases, as they did in previous generations.
We don't teach ethics & morals as we did in those days & we worship the individual, not community. In Rockefeller's society, the way to public acclaim was to build public monuments & graciously put his name on them.
I’m currently writing about my journey from prayer to not prayer. This article got me thinking about if I’m becoming Superman destroying his ice castle and going about it by himself.
My hope is to stay humble and believe in community over deity. I don’t need god and prayer anymore because I can express gratitude to those in my midst and learn from others.
You’re reminding me of how people give God credit for almost everything but seem to leave out the people who really showed up. Even as simple as thanking God for the food on their dinner table and failing to thank the person (or people) who planned the meal, bought the ingredients, used their time and energy to prepare the meal, and then gathered everyone to eat it together…I wonder how often church is leading people away from community by teaching that all credit goes to God…
I know it’s an extroverted world, full of people who feed on the energy of others. For them, community is life. For introverts, who renew their energy through alone time, I suppose community may be one or two good friends. So many articles on the need for community don’t seem to consider us.
Oh, thank you for that! I hesitated to say anything. Not only do I agree that “community” is not defined by quantity, but I also would argue that community is not defined in spatial terms. If I count them, I have many good friends. They live all over the country and most do not know each other. We form a network, not a circle. We text, email, even talk on the phone. We visit at various intervals.
Thank you I agree. I consider this Substack a community as well. ❤️
Agreed. 👍 thank you for sharing
I agree! I think the notion of community has been hijacked by the extroverts of the world - and as Suzanne said (in another comment), my community is scattered but no less important or supportive. Community comes in all shapes and sizes :-)
"If boys are raised worshipping a God who needs no one, answers to no one and cannot be wounded, it should not surprise us that when they gain power, they try to become Him."🔥🔥🔥
Yesss from the first few paragraphs I was thinking "it's giving God Complex"
This is so obvious, but so hard to see. I was born in the 50s, when boys were raised to worship cowboys, (John Wayne) & Superman. I wish I had understood this when I married my 2nd husband at 32.
But like most women, I have built my community from dear, close women friends. I am also an introvert but I see all of them, (maybe 8?), one or two sat a time. They know my vulnerabilities, I know theirs & we are deeply supportive of one another.
This is something few men know. By the time they are adults, that wall is impenetrable & they let no one through. I give up. I've spent my life trying to be emotionally intimate with men I love & they simply cannot or will not allow it, although they definitely want me for emotional support. This is bad for all of us, but I can't fix it.
Because men think that they have to fix things and they feel inadequate when they can't fix emotional problems. They don't understand the concept of “emotional support.” Except gay men, of course.
I’m sorry. I hope you find comfort and get what you need from your friends ❤️🌺
Very compelling. I'm glad you put forth the Harvard study. There's another study your essay reminded me of which is the one that shows that many lottery winners become unhappy because they are cut off from their community and unsure why people really like them. Perhaps people like Bryan Johnson and Jeff Bezos can be considered lottery winners who become unmoored by their sudden wealth.
in their cases, they became wealthy because they had no community. They strike me as sociopaths.
I read that study as well. There are support groups for lottery winners. Many social dynamics occur and winners become stigmatized by family members and friends.
As we say in France: you can leave a log in a river for 100 years—it will never become a crocodile.
Good luck trying to defeat aging, mortality, and vulnerability—the very things that make love, community, and humanity possible.
Oh là là. Thank you for this philosophical reflection, Celeste.
Your comment also brought me to wonder about the point of living - and of course, money and work probably are big part of the reason we get up every morning but I'd say those are just supposed to support our more materialist needs and wants, but the true meaning of life is to have people to spend that life with.
Beautifully said, Mery.
Work and money can sustain life; but only people give it meaning.
Without connection, success becomes very quiet. Oh mon Dieu!
The best person in this whole story is MacKenzie Bezos Scott. Maybe she should be the model for money and power instead of her terrible ex-spouse. Was just looking into Bryan Johnson's ex-spouse and wow there are a lot of NDAs and bad experiences. So, that's something too.
I am afraid that you have mischaracterized the Christian God. According to Christian theology God exists only in community -- Father, Son and Holy Spirit. It is out of that love that creation is called into existence. "Let us make man in our own image". Jesus also lived, worked, taught, healed, preached and loved in community. He travelled with 12 men and also a number of women. What He preached was community -- love your neighbor which is the essence of community. By the way, thank you for what you write.
I appreciate your comment because it helps me see how many different ways people think about God. It often feels like there are as many versions of God as there are people.
I hear what you’re saying about God being relational, and I find myself wondering how often that gets lived out in communities. I’ve been thinking about how, even when churches talk about God as community (like the Trinity), God is still usually described as male, strong, and in charge. I wonder how that picture shapes boys and men—and girls and women—as they grow up.
Thank you so much for this. You raise a very good point. I would say two things. One is that any attempt to describe a transcendent God is bound to be inadequate, hence like the blind men describing the proverbial elephant, different people can view different aspects of God. The second is that the Christian Church has seldom preached and lived out the God who exists in community. As a matter of fact, the Christian Church, unfortunately, has been, and still is, one of the most patriarchal institutions in the world. Both of the major branches of Christendom limit their leadership to men, and not just men in general, but unmarried men for the most part, much to it's, and the world's, detriment. I also believe that patriarchy and individualism go hand in hand and have led to the toxic masculinity that we see rampant in society today.
Finally, on a personal note. I was ordained as a priest in the Episcopal Church at a time when women were just beginning to be ordained, so I have a snapshot of the church both before and after women's ordination. I can safely say that the church is a fuller, richer, more vibrant, more compassionate, and more inclusive place with women sharing leadership roles. The best bishops that I have served under have all been women.
I love to hear that you’re an ordained priest!! And I believe you when you explain the church with women sharing leadership roles!!
I’ve been reading Batman comics for decades and the great irony here is that Bruce Wayne’s greatest accomplishment is the family he has built around him as well as the friendships he has with other heroes. Depending on the writer, he embraces it or is a closed-off grump.
In fact, the first Robin—Dick Grayson—“grew up” to become Nightwing, who carries on a similar mission but is one of the most-loved heroes in the DCU. He has his own family in the Titans, successful romantic relationships (Batgirl and Starfire), and the nicest butt of any super hero (not kidding, it’s a running joke in comic fandom). Robin and Nightwing have been my favorite comic book characters since I was 13.
I’m going too far down the geek rabbit hole here.
But that’s the comics and the movies decide that he’s better off as the brooding loner, showing us all that men will do anything to avoid going to therapy.
Two minor points:
1)For much of his history, Batman wasn't invulnerable. It's really startling reading older stories and realizing that good as he was, even an average guy could deck him with a lucky punch.
2)Harry Potter is all about community. It's not simply a story of becoming a powerful wizard, it's about a lonely kid who finds friends and a community. If he didn't organize Dumbledore's Army and tried going it alone, he'd never have made it through the series.
I’m here for the Harry Potter/Dumbledores Army mention!
Another point, Disney's Hercules is an anomaly in showing him as a puny kid. Mythologically he was able to strangle snakes while he was still in diapers. I believe most modern versions of Herc show him much the same.
Read a piece about Bryan Johnson a while ago, and while it is true that he doesn’t have a community, he does have a female assistant who follows him everywhere, prepares all his meals for him, handles his responsibilities, helps him with his penis machine that logs his erections, and the wildest of all, she lives the same lifestyle. She's drank the cool aid and she thinks she on board to immortality. But she does all the things for him women traditionally do for men. So I guess that if their goals come true, and the rest of the humanity perish and the universe becomes a cold void, the patriarchy will still survive. How reassuring.
Pluribus has me so conflicted between agency, community, and self-realization. It takes community to the maximum possible escalation. The extremes are always fun to explore, we can then dial them back and find the goldilocks space.
Interesting observation! I haven't watched the show, but in my personal life I feel constantly conflicted between the needs/desires of community/belonging and autonomy/self-actualization. Trying to figure out how to walk that line, being able to rely on people and be reliable but also direct my own life in a proactive way.
Do you think that the hive mind is a community?
I think they believe they are. Also, many people believe that sharing resources removes people’s identity.
I asked what YOU think.
What people are they?
I do not think the hive mind is community.
I do think that the hive mind believes themselves to be the highest form of community.
I quit watching it before the end of the first season, but I think they think of themselves as a single organism. No one has independent thought, desire, need, or even perspective. That's what I look for in community -- difference as well as commonality.
What Bryan Johnson does is worse than take his son's plasma. He circulates it into him and his into his son, and this is a technique that has actually been shown to transfer young stem cells to old and vice versa and cause some level of reversal in aging. But at the direct cost to the son. In other words, he can't take his to slow aging without accelerating it in his son...he is QUITE LITERALLY sucking the youth from his own child.
It's sick and disgusting. I think it's been proven enough times in history that some men...at least the types motivated to so ruthlessly climb to the top of the pyramid as this type...have essentially a defective code in their brain that will never ever ever tell them when enough is enough. They cannot stop striving for more....more power, more wealth, more glory, more life, even when they have more than everyone else on a planet of 8 billion. It should be recognized and treated for what it is: a mental illness and a destructive addiction.
I see what you’re saying here and it makes me wonder even more about the god complex that Bryan must have. Especially considering that the Christian idea of God is that he sacrifices His son for the benefit of the world. It seems sort of in line with what Bryan is doing….Sacrificing his own son for “science” or for the “benefit of the human race…” makes me feel gross thinking about all of this.
Great article-Thank you. P.s: Healthy Bryan looks like Data from Star Trek. Probably less human than Data though
Bryan looks like a vampire. Could not imagine asking one of my children for their plasma. Madness.
Let's be fair, though. Rockefeller also created the General Education Board. And we no longer die from preventable diseases, as they did in previous generations.
We don't teach ethics & morals as we did in those days & we worship the individual, not community. In Rockefeller's society, the way to public acclaim was to build public monuments & graciously put his name on them.
Not through the GEB.
I’m currently writing about my journey from prayer to not prayer. This article got me thinking about if I’m becoming Superman destroying his ice castle and going about it by himself.
My hope is to stay humble and believe in community over deity. I don’t need god and prayer anymore because I can express gratitude to those in my midst and learn from others.
You’re reminding me of how people give God credit for almost everything but seem to leave out the people who really showed up. Even as simple as thanking God for the food on their dinner table and failing to thank the person (or people) who planned the meal, bought the ingredients, used their time and energy to prepare the meal, and then gathered everyone to eat it together…I wonder how often church is leading people away from community by teaching that all credit goes to God…