This is amazing. You talk about patriarchy, not in abstract, philosophical terms, but in a way that brilliantly takes people along for the ride—from the origin to the current pop culture. You even have gems hidden in the footnote, like this, which we believe deserves to be highlighted "Let’s distinguish here the difference between patriarchy and men. Patriarchy is a dominator system created by a select group of men that has allowed the greediest, most power-hungry to rule, which has harmed both men and women throughout history."
I have been repeating for many years: "If 50% of the world were your personal slave labor force, and you had built your entire worldly fortune upon that privilege, how motivated would you be to preserve it?"
Now, add all non-white men to that percentage. What would that percentage be? Do you think what we're seeing right now are the last vestiges of the desperation to preserve it? What does MAGA mean? Exactly that.
There is no reason under God for more than half the world's population to be enslaved by a small group. I believe that women who profess to like it that way, only enjoy being considered part of what they consider the "elite " group and the accompanying "perks".
I think it's important to acknowledge that even men of color can be quite misogynistic because they may not be white, but "at least I'm not a woman." It goes back to that hierarchy thing; it feels good to have SOMEONE beneath you.
Agree to EVERY WORD. It also pains me when women are so brainwashed into the system that they this illogical made up hierarchy actually serves them. This is a wake up call that has been on for decades. When can more/all of us finally see that.
Jerry Seinfeld is not that well known in the UK, and on the strength of this I think we can be glad of it. But we have our own equivalents.
In my own relationship, of more than 30 years standing, we have always called each other partners, and we always resisted marriage because of the patriarchal baggage that too many people still attach to it. But when civil partnerships became available to non-same-sex couples, we jumped at the chance—in fact we were the first to have a ceremony in our local Register Office. And still, we have to gently tell people that we are not 'Mr and Mrs' and that we don't have the same surname. Even a couple of the cards of congratulation on the partnership were addressed to 'Mr and Mrs'.
I have always felt that same-sex couples refer to each other as "spouses", not as both "husbands" or both "wives". Same-sex relationships should shake free from the baggage of heterosexual language, the better to develop as truly equal partnerships of two people in love.
In my observation, including at same-sex weddings, more than 50% use husband/wife, and quite a few dress up accordingly, e.g. both women in wedding dresses. Interesting tension between the rejection of some traditional norms and the embrace of others.
I wonder whether we should speak of ‘heterosexual’ language, or more specifically ‘patriarchal’. That’s why we were firmly against being husband and wife and against ‘Mr & Mrs’. As you say, the ideal is a truly equal partnership, whatever the gender of the individuals concerned.
I didn't agree either, and I've been making my own contributions to changing it since I was in Grade 4. My school agreed when I was in Grade 5 (1967) to let girls wear trousers to class for the full day in the winter; the next year it was all year round, and that was the start of the slippery slope to where our school dress codes are today.
Can you believe all this stuff has been in our lifetime? And now we are going backwards. I was the first altar girl in my parish but much of the Catholic church seems to have decided that women really need to get back into their place.
Wow! You make valid points in such a succinct and easy to comprehend way. Meaning? I can save this and send to anyone who I believe may "need" to read this. Genius!
Thanks for this insightful post, Celeste Davis. It’s true that this debate has been revisited countless times, and for many in the West, the Patriarchy’s relevance has faded.
You've inspired me to start writing a practical guide for men on how to create a new ideal of Masculinity starting in 2025.
Is it closed to comments? I thought it was a good piece, but I think the call to action could be stronger and you could take some of those thoughts and ideas a little further to conclusion. You share many valuable considerations, but don't necessarily take them all the way to what they really say about gender roles.
This is amazing. You talk about patriarchy, not in abstract, philosophical terms, but in a way that brilliantly takes people along for the ride—from the origin to the current pop culture. You even have gems hidden in the footnote, like this, which we believe deserves to be highlighted "Let’s distinguish here the difference between patriarchy and men. Patriarchy is a dominator system created by a select group of men that has allowed the greediest, most power-hungry to rule, which has harmed both men and women throughout history."
Agreed. I was so happy that I clicked on the footnote to read it. This is a very special and important essay.
I have been repeating for many years: "If 50% of the world were your personal slave labor force, and you had built your entire worldly fortune upon that privilege, how motivated would you be to preserve it?"
Now, add all non-white men to that percentage. What would that percentage be? Do you think what we're seeing right now are the last vestiges of the desperation to preserve it? What does MAGA mean? Exactly that.
There is no reason under God for more than half the world's population to be enslaved by a small group. I believe that women who profess to like it that way, only enjoy being considered part of what they consider the "elite " group and the accompanying "perks".
I think it's important to acknowledge that even men of color can be quite misogynistic because they may not be white, but "at least I'm not a woman." It goes back to that hierarchy thing; it feels good to have SOMEONE beneath you.
Yes, I have to agree with that. My nose has been out of joint about hierarchies since about ... kindergarten.
Agree to EVERY WORD. It also pains me when women are so brainwashed into the system that they this illogical made up hierarchy actually serves them. This is a wake up call that has been on for decades. When can more/all of us finally see that.
Hi, D.L. You hit that nail on the head "the last vestiges of desperation to preserve it." Forget it, patriarchs, that ship sailed away in the 1970s.
Jerry Seinfeld is not that well known in the UK, and on the strength of this I think we can be glad of it. But we have our own equivalents.
In my own relationship, of more than 30 years standing, we have always called each other partners, and we always resisted marriage because of the patriarchal baggage that too many people still attach to it. But when civil partnerships became available to non-same-sex couples, we jumped at the chance—in fact we were the first to have a ceremony in our local Register Office. And still, we have to gently tell people that we are not 'Mr and Mrs' and that we don't have the same surname. Even a couple of the cards of congratulation on the partnership were addressed to 'Mr and Mrs'.
Maybe it's all symbolic, but symbolism has power.
I have always felt that same-sex couples refer to each other as "spouses", not as both "husbands" or both "wives". Same-sex relationships should shake free from the baggage of heterosexual language, the better to develop as truly equal partnerships of two people in love.
In my observation, including at same-sex weddings, more than 50% use husband/wife, and quite a few dress up accordingly, e.g. both women in wedding dresses. Interesting tension between the rejection of some traditional norms and the embrace of others.
I wonder whether we should speak of ‘heterosexual’ language, or more specifically ‘patriarchal’. That’s why we were firmly against being husband and wife and against ‘Mr & Mrs’. As you say, the ideal is a truly equal partnership, whatever the gender of the individuals concerned.
"an agreed-upon hierarchy?"
I'm sorry when did I agree to that?
When did any woman?
Or anyone who's not white?
(I never liked the show anyhow and now I really don't like him)
I have never watched a single episode. I always disliked him
I never watched either. When friends found that out during a visit, they pulled out a VHS tape so I could see the infamous masturbation episode.
I didn't agree either, and I've been making my own contributions to changing it since I was in Grade 4. My school agreed when I was in Grade 5 (1967) to let girls wear trousers to class for the full day in the winter; the next year it was all year round, and that was the start of the slippery slope to where our school dress codes are today.
Can you believe all this stuff has been in our lifetime? And now we are going backwards. I was the first altar girl in my parish but much of the Catholic church seems to have decided that women really need to get back into their place.
#PatriarchyIsAbuse
Weeping. Goosebumps. Grief. Faith. Gratitude.
Again.
Every Sunday, I feel as if I’m finally part of a church I can trust within the wild wisdom of your wise words, Celeste.
I cannot thank you enough. And I’ll gladly keep trying.
Ooooh this is going to go off… just sent to my family and I’m not even half way in yet….. thank you!
Wow! You make valid points in such a succinct and easy to comprehend way. Meaning? I can save this and send to anyone who I believe may "need" to read this. Genius!
This made so much sense. Thank you.
Fantastic, succinct overview of where we are at. Thank you!
yessssss Celeste! Fabulous and informative article as usual. Thanks for using your talents for the good! xx
Thank you for another deliciously excellent piece.
I read your article and I was torn.
Torn between ...
1. wanting to cheer you to the rafters for a superb article, the best I have read on the subject.
And
2. wanting to give Jerry Seinfeld a good hiding to show him exactly how the hierarchy he want works.
(I know that's bad but sheesh! the man is an idiot)
Thanks for this insightful post, Celeste Davis. It’s true that this debate has been revisited countless times, and for many in the West, the Patriarchy’s relevance has faded.
You've inspired me to start writing a practical guide for men on how to create a new ideal of Masculinity starting in 2025.
Please do!
🫡 Already started writing👇any feedback welcomed and appreciated 🙏
https://loveintech.substack.com/p/guys-its-time-to-serve
Is it closed to comments? I thought it was a good piece, but I think the call to action could be stronger and you could take some of those thoughts and ideas a little further to conclusion. You share many valuable considerations, but don't necessarily take them all the way to what they really say about gender roles.
Thanks for the feedback Freya🙏 I definitely want to be as respectful as possible and honor everyone’s experience.
Yes, I initially turned off the Comments and Likes. I may consider turning them back on if I get enough feedback requesting them.
Yes! Thank you! So well explained! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
indeed.