I am a feminist that is working on decentering men, that is also raising a son and a daughter. These masculine paradigms are sooooo hard on boys. They feel even that accepting the love of a parent reduces their masculinity. I make sure my son knows that boys need love too, they need to feel safe, and that is their humanity speaking, not their masculinity. I try to convey that NOTHING can take my son's masculinity, that it needs no defense.
I call the post patriarchy men, bubblegum pink men. What you describe is exactly what I advocate for. I want to express myself beyond the Marlboro Man image of masculinity. I want the pink back pack, homemaker, glitter nails, and romcom. I want all that and be a woman loving man, cis het man all the way where my gender expression is expansive and my orientation unquestioned.
Thank you! My spouse and I have been talking about this for some time, and it’s great I have articles to share with him about folks talking about men in this conversation. We are both queer and feminist - but we need to talk about how men are suffering in this system too. And the girl boss! Can we plz do some dismantling, not patriarchy mimicking?! I don’t want success in the same systems- it’s not working for anyone.
It seems to me that some of the steps mentioned that might be helpful, for example, eliminating the blue/pink color differentiation for the sexes, making it OK for boys to wear pink clothes, etc. are still within the “ boxed narrative.” I think the box needs to be exploded altogether. We are moving in that direction now and I’ve been for some time, but is that just window dressing that masks the true beliefs or the consciousness that lies underneath?
Something deeper is needed, if we start from where we are now, we will only change the wrapping of the box. The box itself needs to go. The insides of the box are toxic to life. What’s within? Certainly a part of it is the patriarchal narrative that has been there from the beginning and continues to be sustaining the “ endgame” that we are now witnessing. it is coming to an end, of course as it has to, but we don’t have to wait for the call possible beautiful future arising. We can enjoy it now.
I agree with you- the whole box needs to go. It’s muddled and messy to talk about sexism and gender without resorting back to the binary. I’m doing it imperfectly but I do agree with you
Well, the important thing is that you’re doing it. You’re keeping the conversation going. I think it’s interesting that the whole idea of “gender“ came up I believe in the 13th century with Thomas Aquinas, who wanted to differentiate men and women, essentially to put women beneath men (in an official way, as part of Roman Catholic doctrine). Whatever men were, women were the opposite.
This doesn't really make a lot of sense. Gender ideology reifies rigid gender stereotypes - after all, if being a woman isn't related to biology, then what is a woman? It's the people who like the consumer products and hobbies women traditionally have liked. In other words, it's not that women belong in the kitchen anymore, it's that the person in the kitchen is a woman. How is that liberating or feminist?
“gender ideology” in its GC usage is only the latest edition of “the gay agenda”: a bogeyman scarecrow erected to raise moral panic in aid of social conservatism. there was, of course, no such thing as the gay agenda in 1990. likewise, there’s no such thing as gender ideology today. it reifies nothing, because it doesn’t exist.
what, in fact, reifies rigid traditional gender roles is the canard that sex is immutable and binary. the desire to criminalize and persecute those who dare to disprove said canard with their lives and bodies is fundamentally traditional, conservative, and patriarchal.
Sex is immutable and binary. Everyone who has ever reproduced did so with one of two reproductive body plans, and no one has ever changed from one to the other. To GC people, anybody of either sex can have whatever hobbies or interests they like. It's the gender ideologues who believe in patriarchal, regressive stereotypes like a girl who likes cars can't be a "real" girl and must be a boy, or that a boy who likes Barbies can't be a "real" boy and has to be a girl.
What exactly is meant by liberation? The opportunity to be financially self sufficient? Seems like a very weak definition of liberation, if you ask me. My SO’s being (and man’s being in general) means so much more than what they can materially provide for us. I think women who underestimate the utility of men are missing out of the challenge of cooperating with someone who deeply challenges you. There is a bit of an issue of men being oppressed in the sense that certain men don’t feel they can freely voice their opinions. This hurts women more than we tend to realize.
Yes yes yes! I wrote about the freedom that comes with disrupting the binary too this week. So glad we're all taking about it!
We’re all on the same wavelength!!
I am a feminist that is working on decentering men, that is also raising a son and a daughter. These masculine paradigms are sooooo hard on boys. They feel even that accepting the love of a parent reduces their masculinity. I make sure my son knows that boys need love too, they need to feel safe, and that is their humanity speaking, not their masculinity. I try to convey that NOTHING can take my son's masculinity, that it needs no defense.
I call the post patriarchy men, bubblegum pink men. What you describe is exactly what I advocate for. I want to express myself beyond the Marlboro Man image of masculinity. I want the pink back pack, homemaker, glitter nails, and romcom. I want all that and be a woman loving man, cis het man all the way where my gender expression is expansive and my orientation unquestioned.
Yes yes yes to all of this Arturo!! What beautiful work you are doing ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you! My spouse and I have been talking about this for some time, and it’s great I have articles to share with him about folks talking about men in this conversation. We are both queer and feminist - but we need to talk about how men are suffering in this system too. And the girl boss! Can we plz do some dismantling, not patriarchy mimicking?! I don’t want success in the same systems- it’s not working for anyone.
It seems to me that some of the steps mentioned that might be helpful, for example, eliminating the blue/pink color differentiation for the sexes, making it OK for boys to wear pink clothes, etc. are still within the “ boxed narrative.” I think the box needs to be exploded altogether. We are moving in that direction now and I’ve been for some time, but is that just window dressing that masks the true beliefs or the consciousness that lies underneath?
Something deeper is needed, if we start from where we are now, we will only change the wrapping of the box. The box itself needs to go. The insides of the box are toxic to life. What’s within? Certainly a part of it is the patriarchal narrative that has been there from the beginning and continues to be sustaining the “ endgame” that we are now witnessing. it is coming to an end, of course as it has to, but we don’t have to wait for the call possible beautiful future arising. We can enjoy it now.
I agree with you- the whole box needs to go. It’s muddled and messy to talk about sexism and gender without resorting back to the binary. I’m doing it imperfectly but I do agree with you
Well, the important thing is that you’re doing it. You’re keeping the conversation going. I think it’s interesting that the whole idea of “gender“ came up I believe in the 13th century with Thomas Aquinas, who wanted to differentiate men and women, essentially to put women beneath men (in an official way, as part of Roman Catholic doctrine). Whatever men were, women were the opposite.
What a wonderful piece.
I so appreciate how you always give me something new to think about.
This doesn't really make a lot of sense. Gender ideology reifies rigid gender stereotypes - after all, if being a woman isn't related to biology, then what is a woman? It's the people who like the consumer products and hobbies women traditionally have liked. In other words, it's not that women belong in the kitchen anymore, it's that the person in the kitchen is a woman. How is that liberating or feminist?
“gender ideology” in its GC usage is only the latest edition of “the gay agenda”: a bogeyman scarecrow erected to raise moral panic in aid of social conservatism. there was, of course, no such thing as the gay agenda in 1990. likewise, there’s no such thing as gender ideology today. it reifies nothing, because it doesn’t exist.
what, in fact, reifies rigid traditional gender roles is the canard that sex is immutable and binary. the desire to criminalize and persecute those who dare to disprove said canard with their lives and bodies is fundamentally traditional, conservative, and patriarchal.
hope this helps!
Sex is immutable and binary. Everyone who has ever reproduced did so with one of two reproductive body plans, and no one has ever changed from one to the other. To GC people, anybody of either sex can have whatever hobbies or interests they like. It's the gender ideologues who believe in patriarchal, regressive stereotypes like a girl who likes cars can't be a "real" girl and must be a boy, or that a boy who likes Barbies can't be a "real" boy and has to be a girl.
What exactly is meant by liberation? The opportunity to be financially self sufficient? Seems like a very weak definition of liberation, if you ask me. My SO’s being (and man’s being in general) means so much more than what they can materially provide for us. I think women who underestimate the utility of men are missing out of the challenge of cooperating with someone who deeply challenges you. There is a bit of an issue of men being oppressed in the sense that certain men don’t feel they can freely voice their opinions. This hurts women more than we tend to realize.