This emphasizes an approach to life that I’ve slowly been building for myself: as a woman, I’m absolutely entitled to be my own main character. No one else is going to make me theirs. And the supposed “humility” of completely centering others is so so easy to manipulate in women - to make us believe it’s right that we’re appendages. I can still care for and love other people without making myself a side character in my own life.
This! Once you see it, it's shocking the easy entitlement (and hubris) men have of not only being the main character but expecting to have a supporting role in a wife/mother of their child compared to how women go through life with (or expecting to eventually have) a partner. It all became clear when my ex told me he wanted a wife, not a partner. I imagine I wasn't the only woman who has gone through life on a totally different page assuming building a mutual life together, not just playing a supporting role to whatever narrative his life takes.
It is up to us, men and others in power, to ensure those historically marginalized and devalued are not forgotten.
It is saying “Jane shared that idea last meeting, I think it’s great that you also think is great “
It is saying, “Megha did all the quantitative work on this assignment”
It is saying, “Let’s put the team names in alphabetical order” and “Let’s rotate who takes notes in meetings”
This year I am focused on outcomes over hopes, wishes, and platitudes. What are the default settings we need to make to ensure we reduce inequality in the systems we have control over.
I love this! My wasband cheated on me (so I left him) when I got "too old" and had suffered too many medical issues. He was tired of taking care of me, so he cheated with someone 10 years younger than I am. Well, the joke is on him. I am LOVING my life; my health is top-notch now; and he's in an unhappy marriage with his mistress. Karma's definitely a bitch!
Just to be clear, I don't like the situation, I don't like the replaceability. Liking this seems wrong. But your writing is powerful and I support the exposure of the reality women live in, so I give you the like heart. If there was a dislike button to indicate how done I am with the patriarchy and the many ways it manifests shit for women, then I would add a dislike. Thumbs down on the men who replace. Thumbs up for brilliant women like you.
I stopped watching when it was the man’s decision that the woman die in childbirth. I remember so many stories from Mormon lore where women sacrifice themselves for their children. The expectant mother who refused cancer treatment. The mom who says she doesn’t like pie when there aren’t enough slices. Big and small sacrifices. It wasn’t even always necessary, just expected.
My teen is reading the Game of Thrones (GOT) series right now but I have not read them. I would be interested to read your thoughts on this from a feminist perspective. A privelged man I know declared GOT to be empowering of women because Daenerys gets her husband to love her and has dragons in the end. Do you agree?
Empowering to women!?!?! Not in the slightest. A 14 year old raped child bride is empowering?!?! Even the actress who plays Daenerys says she still has trauma from filming the rape scenes. Game of Thrones is the least feminist-friendly thing I've ever watched save maybe The Godfather or American Pie. It is a patriarchy dream land through and through- literal hordes of nameless naked women at the side of every gross man killing everyone in his path to rise to power. SOOOOOO much rape. So much rape. It's actually so gross. And even grosser when you consider a 70 year old man was writing rape scenes of a 14 year old- numerous times over. And instead of any reprimand, we just keep giving him praise and awards. (that said- I still watched the whole series...... ;) ) I wouldn't forbid my teens from reading it necessarily, but I would definitely be having conversations with them about it.
Thank you posting this--I hung on every word and found it validating and empowering. I will bring it to my small support group of older women who have recently been replaced.
Wow! Poignant and beautiful and gripping, Celeste! As a lifelong Utah native, the whole Heavenly Mother being unreachable thing absolutely breaks my heart every time I hear it. How emblematic—men cutting humanity off from the divinity of a woman. DOESN’T THIS HURT EVERYONE?!?!
Very thought provoking, Celeste. I watched the first episode of GoT years ago and was turned off by the gratuitous use of women as objects. That was enough for me.
The cancer statistics are shocking and sad. I can’t imagine abandoning someone you love just because they have health problems. And maybe that’s at the heart of the issue, the men (and far fewer women) in these cases don’t love and respect their partners, they just see them as an object for their desires. When the current one breaks down, it’s time to trade it in for a newer, better running model. That makes for a sad, lonely existence.
There are points in this where part of me wanted to stop reading, to roll my eyes, but I couldn’t stop reading it. It sunk in. It became stronger and stronger and I do agree.
My only disagreement is women should not be replaceable. Women should not stay where they are not appreciated, and worshiped and the men in their relationship should know their worth and honour them. If she doesn’t receive this, then she should leave and replace her man.
As much as this is all true and society has brought us here, we do not have to stay. We do not have to live by the terms of others. We live by our own terms
I am saddened that men accept this power thoughtlessly. And that they are startled when confronted with their thoughtlessness or selfishness. And I am so tired of explaining that their sh*t DOES stink…
I just keep thinking about Yolanda Hadid on a reunion episode of Real housewives of Beverly Hills. After a few years of her battling Lyme disease, David Foster divorced her. When Andy Cohen asked her how she was doing with everything, she laughingly joked that of course David divorced her. He got a lemon for a wife.
Oh my god I forgot about Lisa’s deep dive into that 😳 That really was the icing on the cake of Yolanda’s husband divorcing/cheating on her.
Another example from the same show in the Bravoverse: Kelsey Grammar replaced Camille with a younger wife a few seasons earlier. It was really painful to watch that unfold, the way he treated her.
That’s true! But it’s hard to feel sympathy for Camille, she’s such a jerk lol. Watching her house burn down was really sad tho. What I like about HW is that we focus on the women and not the men. Househusbands are usually not taken very seriously like as on NJ.
If we really want to get into misogyny we should dive into Southern Charm and Vanderpump Rules. There’s so much to unpack there. The broader question is why do we love this entertainment so much? I would like to find a Substack that’s devoted to dissecting the Bravoverse. Because I feel they touch on subjects that were never on tv before like for example miscarriage. This is something that is never talked about even among close friends. I found it very brave to bring it out to the open.
Lol same here. I’m not into watching podcasts that’s why I’m on Substack. I wish someone would take up the task on here! It seems that all of the related bravo content is on podcasts. I want to quietly read about my obsession not broadcast it for the world to hear haha. If you find of one please let me know 🤗
Ooof. This really really hit me. Women are told to be meek, and humble, and self-sacrificing. They’re told to be quiet little ghosts, indistinguishable from the other.
I remember as a fundamentalist pastor’s wife I always beat myself up for being too brash and “awkward”, I couldn’t fit myself into the prescribed formula.
Thank you for writing this. I’m an excited new subscriber!
I am not hot on feminist issues but it’s a perspective like this that makes the issue worth fighting for. The stark pain I feel as a woman calls on me to be justified. Thank you for this post.
This emphasizes an approach to life that I’ve slowly been building for myself: as a woman, I’m absolutely entitled to be my own main character. No one else is going to make me theirs. And the supposed “humility” of completely centering others is so so easy to manipulate in women - to make us believe it’s right that we’re appendages. I can still care for and love other people without making myself a side character in my own life.
Amen amen amen
This! Once you see it, it's shocking the easy entitlement (and hubris) men have of not only being the main character but expecting to have a supporting role in a wife/mother of their child compared to how women go through life with (or expecting to eventually have) a partner. It all became clear when my ex told me he wanted a wife, not a partner. I imagine I wasn't the only woman who has gone through life on a totally different page assuming building a mutual life together, not just playing a supporting role to whatever narrative his life takes.
You articulated that truth very well! Thank you ❤️
Thank you, I'm glad it resonated, I know many of us feel that way!
It is up to us, men and others in power, to ensure those historically marginalized and devalued are not forgotten.
It is saying “Jane shared that idea last meeting, I think it’s great that you also think is great “
It is saying, “Megha did all the quantitative work on this assignment”
It is saying, “Let’s put the team names in alphabetical order” and “Let’s rotate who takes notes in meetings”
This year I am focused on outcomes over hopes, wishes, and platitudes. What are the default settings we need to make to ensure we reduce inequality in the systems we have control over.
Thank you, Arturo!
79 Bond women? Never thought of how absurd that is. Thank you again for another wonderful piece of thought provoking writing.
Why is it always so shocking to see the obvious pointed out? Thank you for your lense on life. ALWAYS so spot on.
The section on the Ming Dynasty, Egyptian royalty, and Mormon prophet is shocking to me. I love that you always include a wide swath of examples.
I love this! My wasband cheated on me (so I left him) when I got "too old" and had suffered too many medical issues. He was tired of taking care of me, so he cheated with someone 10 years younger than I am. Well, the joke is on him. I am LOVING my life; my health is top-notch now; and he's in an unhappy marriage with his mistress. Karma's definitely a bitch!
😂wasband!!! 💕 It!!
Just to be clear, I don't like the situation, I don't like the replaceability. Liking this seems wrong. But your writing is powerful and I support the exposure of the reality women live in, so I give you the like heart. If there was a dislike button to indicate how done I am with the patriarchy and the many ways it manifests shit for women, then I would add a dislike. Thumbs down on the men who replace. Thumbs up for brilliant women like you.
Thanks Elinor. I like heart this ❤️
I stopped watching when it was the man’s decision that the woman die in childbirth. I remember so many stories from Mormon lore where women sacrifice themselves for their children. The expectant mother who refused cancer treatment. The mom who says she doesn’t like pie when there aren’t enough slices. Big and small sacrifices. It wasn’t even always necessary, just expected.
As a feminist there are SO many reasons to stop watching Game of Thrones/House of Dragons 😅 The actress replacement is the least of it 🫣
My teen is reading the Game of Thrones (GOT) series right now but I have not read them. I would be interested to read your thoughts on this from a feminist perspective. A privelged man I know declared GOT to be empowering of women because Daenerys gets her husband to love her and has dragons in the end. Do you agree?
Empowering to women!?!?! Not in the slightest. A 14 year old raped child bride is empowering?!?! Even the actress who plays Daenerys says she still has trauma from filming the rape scenes. Game of Thrones is the least feminist-friendly thing I've ever watched save maybe The Godfather or American Pie. It is a patriarchy dream land through and through- literal hordes of nameless naked women at the side of every gross man killing everyone in his path to rise to power. SOOOOOO much rape. So much rape. It's actually so gross. And even grosser when you consider a 70 year old man was writing rape scenes of a 14 year old- numerous times over. And instead of any reprimand, we just keep giving him praise and awards. (that said- I still watched the whole series...... ;) ) I wouldn't forbid my teens from reading it necessarily, but I would definitely be having conversations with them about it.
We don’t even notice sometimes… because that’s the way it is.
Thank you ❤️
Thank you posting this--I hung on every word and found it validating and empowering. I will bring it to my small support group of older women who have recently been replaced.
Wow! Poignant and beautiful and gripping, Celeste! As a lifelong Utah native, the whole Heavenly Mother being unreachable thing absolutely breaks my heart every time I hear it. How emblematic—men cutting humanity off from the divinity of a woman. DOESN’T THIS HURT EVERYONE?!?!
Very thought provoking, Celeste. I watched the first episode of GoT years ago and was turned off by the gratuitous use of women as objects. That was enough for me.
The cancer statistics are shocking and sad. I can’t imagine abandoning someone you love just because they have health problems. And maybe that’s at the heart of the issue, the men (and far fewer women) in these cases don’t love and respect their partners, they just see them as an object for their desires. When the current one breaks down, it’s time to trade it in for a newer, better running model. That makes for a sad, lonely existence.
There are points in this where part of me wanted to stop reading, to roll my eyes, but I couldn’t stop reading it. It sunk in. It became stronger and stronger and I do agree.
My only disagreement is women should not be replaceable. Women should not stay where they are not appreciated, and worshiped and the men in their relationship should know their worth and honour them. If she doesn’t receive this, then she should leave and replace her man.
As much as this is all true and society has brought us here, we do not have to stay. We do not have to live by the terms of others. We live by our own terms
I am saddened that men accept this power thoughtlessly. And that they are startled when confronted with their thoughtlessness or selfishness. And I am so tired of explaining that their sh*t DOES stink…
I just keep thinking about Yolanda Hadid on a reunion episode of Real housewives of Beverly Hills. After a few years of her battling Lyme disease, David Foster divorced her. When Andy Cohen asked her how she was doing with everything, she laughingly joked that of course David divorced her. He got a lemon for a wife.
Also the ladies were so mean to her saying that she had Münchausen syndrome. If we dig deeper I’m sure there’s many more examples in the Bravoverse.
Oh my god I forgot about Lisa’s deep dive into that 😳 That really was the icing on the cake of Yolanda’s husband divorcing/cheating on her.
Another example from the same show in the Bravoverse: Kelsey Grammar replaced Camille with a younger wife a few seasons earlier. It was really painful to watch that unfold, the way he treated her.
And omg Lisa Hochstein on Miami with her terrible husband. That was really painful to watch even I don’t like her very much.
That’s true! But it’s hard to feel sympathy for Camille, she’s such a jerk lol. Watching her house burn down was really sad tho. What I like about HW is that we focus on the women and not the men. Househusbands are usually not taken very seriously like as on NJ.
If we really want to get into misogyny we should dive into Southern Charm and Vanderpump Rules. There’s so much to unpack there. The broader question is why do we love this entertainment so much? I would like to find a Substack that’s devoted to dissecting the Bravoverse. Because I feel they touch on subjects that were never on tv before like for example miscarriage. This is something that is never talked about even among close friends. I found it very brave to bring it out to the open.
I would really love a sociological breakdown of Bravo shows, now that you mention it 😅 If I was more eloquent, I’d go for it.
Lol same here. I’m not into watching podcasts that’s why I’m on Substack. I wish someone would take up the task on here! It seems that all of the related bravo content is on podcasts. I want to quietly read about my obsession not broadcast it for the world to hear haha. If you find of one please let me know 🤗
Same girl same 😅
Ooof. This really really hit me. Women are told to be meek, and humble, and self-sacrificing. They’re told to be quiet little ghosts, indistinguishable from the other.
I remember as a fundamentalist pastor’s wife I always beat myself up for being too brash and “awkward”, I couldn’t fit myself into the prescribed formula.
Thank you for writing this. I’m an excited new subscriber!
I am not hot on feminist issues but it’s a perspective like this that makes the issue worth fighting for. The stark pain I feel as a woman calls on me to be justified. Thank you for this post.