I was commissioned by Deseret Book in 2021 to create a video course about meditation for their Seek online Courses. In 2023 I announced on my podcast that I had gone through a “Faith expansion “. I didn’t say I had left the church and I didn’t speak negatively about the church but I did say my expanded beliefs included the idea that there is more than one path to God. Without notice, my course was completely removed from their Seek Courses website and is no longer available for purchase. I’m the only course they have silently removed. I was erased. This is still happening. It sickens me how any voice can be erased let alone the voice of women.
Shortly after my “I’ve been through a faith expansion” podcast episode I was also contacted by my stake President and he threatened to excommunicate me if I ever said anything contrary to the doctrine of the church going forward. I actually tell that whole story in my new podcast show I recently started. It was a deliberate act to silence me and I was shocked because I have never publicly attacked the church, I was only being “expansive”.
Also… I was confused as to how my Stake President even knew about my podcast until I found out about “the strengthening the members committee”. It consists of GAs whose entire calling is to monitor influencers and potential people who could lead people out of the church and then to contact their local leaders and tell them to “deal with them”. I can’t say for sure that I made the radar of the committee but I’m fairly confident I was reported to them by someone. I wonder how much this stupid secret committee plays into the silencing of the women as well. The church has done an incredible job rewriting its own history to cover up what info it doesn’t want released and with a 100+ years of historical malpractice they’ve just become more efficient and now they erase as they go.
😳😳😳 Brooke!!! I am shook. That is WILD! What is your new podcast called?? I am happy to send eyes and ears your way - Your voice and story deserve to not be erased!!
It’s “The One Heart Podcast” with Brooke Snow . I do a three part series sharing my story and its episode 9 where I share the threats of be silent or you’ll be excommunicated.
Thank you for asking💕 as much as I’ve been through I still didn’t see the connection of women’s voices being silenced until reading your post. Thanks for helping me see. 🙏
I think one reason why we don't know the stories of women who left 20 or more years ago is because they went on to live full lives and didn't look back. Perhaps their time in the Church became the least interesting thing about them. They swam great distances, became priests, led organizations, climbed mountains and studied the deep sea. We who are in the the thick of leaving and its many immediate ramifications have trouble seeing this future for ourselves. But learning the stories of all kinds of women (thank you Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls) has helped me start creating a vision for my future. Maybe it would be nice to have a wise post-Mormon grandma lead the way but I think she knows that we have to find our own way. And as you say, trust our own inner knowing. There is no one path, only our own.
I was a convert. But my friend raised in the church upheld her examples to be an “elect lady” as a General RS President, etc. it struck me, oddly, that I had no desire to be like any of those women “leading” the organizations. I was always drawn to the rebellious women of history and my own grandma, who infamously quit school in the eighth grade because the teacher tried to “switch” (beat) her little brother with a willow branch for fighting. Supposedly, she took away his switch, broke it, and stormed off with her little brother in tow, and never returned to her one room school house again.
When my friend was taking notes from Aux Leader women’s talks and sharing with me her goal to be like them, I remember feeling guilty that I did not share her sentiment.
As my testimony began to crack, I was serving in primary, and we always had a prophet/apostle spotlight in which we shared some fun facts, and a quote from that male leader and then posted him up on the wall, to collectively add his to the chorus of maleness surrounding us. I vividly recall helping a little girl through the words on the back of an apostle’s headshot, then, pulling a chair over to the wall so she could reach the place high enough for him to take his perch above her in the room with all the other “important men.” As she jumped from the chair in her pastel dress and I eyed her tip-toed placement to ensure he was in alignment, it hit me like a ton of bricks what I had just done to her. What I had just done to my daughter sitting next to her. What I had just done to myself and my friend who was watching from the behind the piano.
How had I never seen this before? How had my Family Tree gone from stick breaking 13-year-old feisty Grandma Ruby who fearlessly stood her ground around men to ME - teaching obedience and submission to men I don’t even know or who were grossly unworthy of any praise at all if you even dig a little?
It is baffling to say the least. I wonder if I will be scratching my head and contemplating this conundrum for the rest of my life. However, I too, left in the height of the pandemic. Which means my daughter has lived her teenage years outside of this paradigm. I take solace in the fact that I think I got her out in time. She came home telling me how her new track coach placed her in the wrong event (she’s a state champ in the 400m) for her first meet so she made sure he knew her dissent and she would “allow” him this one infraction with forgiveness if it never happened again. 😂 I sense grandma Ruby‘s blood pumping through her veins and can breathe a sigh of relief that she’s probably going to be just fine.
Wow Tiffani this comment is a beautiful and poignant- thank you for writing it and sharing it.
That primary image of quoting and putting the men in the front high above us, surrounded by maleness is just… everything. And I got my daughters out just before their teenage years as well. Bless 🙏🏼
Celeste, I watched your panel discussion last week (or the week before) and it was SO GOOD! I realize just how far I’ve come when I recognized three of you on the panel and have greatly benefited from your creative endeavors. Thank you so much for your contributions to mormon feminism and helping us wake up! ❤️
I was commissioned by Deseret Book in 2021 to create a video course about meditation for their Seek online Courses. In 2023 I announced on my podcast that I had gone through a “Faith expansion “. I didn’t say I had left the church and I didn’t speak negatively about the church but I did say my expanded beliefs included the idea that there is more than one path to God. Without notice, my course was completely removed from their Seek Courses website and is no longer available for purchase. I’m the only course they have silently removed. I was erased. This is still happening. It sickens me how any voice can be erased let alone the voice of women.
What?!?! Oh Brooke that’s awful 😣 I’m so sorry. You’re such an important mentor to so many LDS women that to erase your words is criminal
Shortly after my “I’ve been through a faith expansion” podcast episode I was also contacted by my stake President and he threatened to excommunicate me if I ever said anything contrary to the doctrine of the church going forward. I actually tell that whole story in my new podcast show I recently started. It was a deliberate act to silence me and I was shocked because I have never publicly attacked the church, I was only being “expansive”.
Also… I was confused as to how my Stake President even knew about my podcast until I found out about “the strengthening the members committee”. It consists of GAs whose entire calling is to monitor influencers and potential people who could lead people out of the church and then to contact their local leaders and tell them to “deal with them”. I can’t say for sure that I made the radar of the committee but I’m fairly confident I was reported to them by someone. I wonder how much this stupid secret committee plays into the silencing of the women as well. The church has done an incredible job rewriting its own history to cover up what info it doesn’t want released and with a 100+ years of historical malpractice they’ve just become more efficient and now they erase as they go.
😳😳😳 Brooke!!! I am shook. That is WILD! What is your new podcast called?? I am happy to send eyes and ears your way - Your voice and story deserve to not be erased!!
It’s “The One Heart Podcast” with Brooke Snow . I do a three part series sharing my story and its episode 9 where I share the threats of be silent or you’ll be excommunicated.
Thank you for asking💕 as much as I’ve been through I still didn’t see the connection of women’s voices being silenced until reading your post. Thanks for helping me see. 🙏
I think one reason why we don't know the stories of women who left 20 or more years ago is because they went on to live full lives and didn't look back. Perhaps their time in the Church became the least interesting thing about them. They swam great distances, became priests, led organizations, climbed mountains and studied the deep sea. We who are in the the thick of leaving and its many immediate ramifications have trouble seeing this future for ourselves. But learning the stories of all kinds of women (thank you Good Night Stories for Rebel Girls) has helped me start creating a vision for my future. Maybe it would be nice to have a wise post-Mormon grandma lead the way but I think she knows that we have to find our own way. And as you say, trust our own inner knowing. There is no one path, only our own.
I was a convert. But my friend raised in the church upheld her examples to be an “elect lady” as a General RS President, etc. it struck me, oddly, that I had no desire to be like any of those women “leading” the organizations. I was always drawn to the rebellious women of history and my own grandma, who infamously quit school in the eighth grade because the teacher tried to “switch” (beat) her little brother with a willow branch for fighting. Supposedly, she took away his switch, broke it, and stormed off with her little brother in tow, and never returned to her one room school house again.
When my friend was taking notes from Aux Leader women’s talks and sharing with me her goal to be like them, I remember feeling guilty that I did not share her sentiment.
As my testimony began to crack, I was serving in primary, and we always had a prophet/apostle spotlight in which we shared some fun facts, and a quote from that male leader and then posted him up on the wall, to collectively add his to the chorus of maleness surrounding us. I vividly recall helping a little girl through the words on the back of an apostle’s headshot, then, pulling a chair over to the wall so she could reach the place high enough for him to take his perch above her in the room with all the other “important men.” As she jumped from the chair in her pastel dress and I eyed her tip-toed placement to ensure he was in alignment, it hit me like a ton of bricks what I had just done to her. What I had just done to my daughter sitting next to her. What I had just done to myself and my friend who was watching from the behind the piano.
How had I never seen this before? How had my Family Tree gone from stick breaking 13-year-old feisty Grandma Ruby who fearlessly stood her ground around men to ME - teaching obedience and submission to men I don’t even know or who were grossly unworthy of any praise at all if you even dig a little?
It is baffling to say the least. I wonder if I will be scratching my head and contemplating this conundrum for the rest of my life. However, I too, left in the height of the pandemic. Which means my daughter has lived her teenage years outside of this paradigm. I take solace in the fact that I think I got her out in time. She came home telling me how her new track coach placed her in the wrong event (she’s a state champ in the 400m) for her first meet so she made sure he knew her dissent and she would “allow” him this one infraction with forgiveness if it never happened again. 😂 I sense grandma Ruby‘s blood pumping through her veins and can breathe a sigh of relief that she’s probably going to be just fine.
GRANDMA RUBY!! 🙌🙌🙇♀️🙇♀️👑👑
Wow Tiffani this comment is a beautiful and poignant- thank you for writing it and sharing it.
That primary image of quoting and putting the men in the front high above us, surrounded by maleness is just… everything. And I got my daughters out just before their teenage years as well. Bless 🙏🏼
Celeste, I watched your panel discussion last week (or the week before) and it was SO GOOD! I realize just how far I’ve come when I recognized three of you on the panel and have greatly benefited from your creative endeavors. Thank you so much for your contributions to mormon feminism and helping us wake up! ❤️