Thank you for expressing this so clearly. I have often wondered why we think violence is entertainment and glad to know other countries think differently.
I was just trying to express this same idea to my husband last night as we tried to find a movie to watch together. He loves the highly violent, “shoot ‘em up” shows, but after decades of catering to his relishing of this style and a few years of my own religious deconstruction, I don’t want to waste my time with these shows. I tried to succinctly express this with references to the Bechdel test along with my complete disinterest in such violence-focused content. I failed, although we ended up watching more of a bio-pic. He’ll probably still watch his preferred style on his own.
A related and disturbing problem with violent films, or even just male-centric films, is that the naked female form is so highly sexualized. She’s meant more as an object fulfilling male desire as the males then go shoot and explode and kill. He gets rewarded with gorgeous, young women and their perky breasts as his “due” for being such a successful alpha. It’s quite telling that my husband can’t stand the “Barbie” movie; it exposes alpha-ism and allows women to be flawed.
You are very tolerant. I wonder how your husband would react to Emma Thompson’s extraordinary and beautiful film Good Luck To You, Leo Grande (2022), which is about a middle aged woman learning to love the body she’s been blessed with and the pleasures it enables her to receive. I think about that film every time I look in the bathroom mirror.
Becca - I so agree. I can hardly watch most American made movies & series anymore - & you put it so well - they feature alpha males, shooting, blowing things up, perky boobs, too much makeup, automatic weapons, & exploding cars.
My husband & I have settled on a mutual love of British crime & detective shows. Less gratuitous violence & gratuitous, overly made up, nubility, more real looking & acting people & intriguing who done its! 😎
I like your comment. My husband and I rarely watch American movies. We find lovely foreign films. I can’t remember the name of it but it was about a train operator who had ran into a clothes line that hadn’t been removed from the tracks. There was a bra stuck on the train window! The remaining part of the film was him going house to house trying to see whose boobs it belongs to. There was little to no dialogue but women trying on the bra! Gotta love foreign films 🎥
I’m sure the action stuff is there, it’s probably just a back catalogue . Everything new I see my wife scroll is kardashian style reality, true crime murder stories, and dating shows lol
Try “F1: The Movie” on for size. Brad Pitt’s character, the white male savior, solves all the problems even over the woman who’s supposed to be the smartest one in the room. And then he beds her. That’s a 2025 offering.
I’ll check it out. I doubt Brad Pitt is a “white male savior.” I’m surprised he’s even still acting in that kind of movie who who else would they get? Doesn’t seem like many young action stars.
Excellently put, as usual. And movie rating allowable because sex scenes were “free from all violence and filmed without degrading content.” That IS fascinating. Imagine such rational thinking here in the US...
I wrote this 👇 last year and updated it a few months ago:
An Open Letter From My Nipples To Mark Zuckerberg
Dear Mr. Zuckerberg,
Do you have a minute? Just a quick request from Amy Gabrielle’s nipples, and then you can get back to doing whatever it is you do.
Could you please stop banning us from your social media platforms? Despite what you may think of us (in the absence of childbirth or nursing, in which case we magically become acceptable), we don’t hate you.
Okay, maybe we hate you a little bit.
Okay! Maybe we hate you a lot.
Why do you hate us? Everyone from babies to grown men LOVE us. You hurt our feelings when you trained your AI models to detect, and then BAN US from Instagram. Do you really think people, especially “The Children,” want to live in a world devoid of female nipples?
That’s a rhetorical question because that would be a very sad, sad world.
We are tired of being erased in Photoshop. What if we were grafted onto a male chest? Would you accept us then? Maybe we should move somewhere we haven’t been fetishized.
And no, I haven’t found a place like that yet.
And yes, I haven’t given up looking.
You know, we’re allowed to feel the sun on our bare areola in some countries. It’s not a big deal. Sounds crazy, I know, but it’s true!
If hurting our feelings doesn’t move you to change your policies, maybe you will listen to your own Advisory Board?
Okay, so it’s made up of a bunch of hacks, (politicians, academics, and worst of all, journalists), but they did advise you back in January 2023 that you are not treating us, “in a manner consistent with international human rights standards.”
Aren’t we worthy of human rights?
We are counting on you, Mr. Zuckerberg, to set us free once and for all. You will become the most beloved in all of social media-land, and you can finally tell Elon Musk…. Never mind, he’s high on Trump’s fart fumes, he can’t hear you any more.
In closing, for the love of all that is good in the world, and right now there isn’t much, let us live freely on Instagram. We don’t need babies to legitimize our existence.
We would thank you if we thought you’d give us any time or attention to this matter, but we both know you won’t, so we thank you for nothing.
Good day sir! We said, good day!
We look forward to being seen on Substack so you can go fuck yourself.
Interesting. I think it might be an over generalization but I could see that being true. I also feel that it’s probably regionally dependent especially in the US.
I love your scrutiny of this moral question, and I love breasts more than I love war. But I have a variant of your question that I often wonder about.
My country is more accepting of breasts than some other countries (for example, I was recently naked in the shopping centre with 39 other people), and I wonder what would happen if people from those other countries came to my country; would we be obliged to follow their rules? Or would they be obliged to follow ours?
For example, in Saudi Arabia, "public nudity is strictly prohibited by law", whereas in my country, public nudity is not illegal. Conversely, domestic violence is quite common in Saudi Arabia, but it is not allowed at all in my country. If we were to accept large numbers of Saudi immigrants, should we change our rules and conventions to accommodate their culture? Or should we stick with our own rules and conventions?
Celeste, reading your essay from Germany, I feel the gap between Central Western Europe and the United States with every line. Here, the body simply belongs—whether in saunas, at the lake, or in public showers, nakedness is part of daily life and barely noticed. The prudery and discomfort around bodies that you describe in the American context always leaves me puzzled. In my experience, it’s violence that causes concern, not the sight of a body.
It’s a relief to see German children learn about sex and boundaries openly in school, and to hear public media discuss pleasure and consent without shame. Laws here make access to weapons rare and tightly controlled, with broad public support. Sexual curiosity is treated as a natural part of life, not a threat. Your description of the American pattern—where nudity or intimacy is alarming, but weapons and violence are normalized—truly does feel upside down.
Your question lingers with me: what grows from a culture that fears a breast, yet accepts a rifle in the home? Here, I see the results of a different approach—less violence, fewer teenage pregnancies, more openness and trust. Friends from Portugal, Spain, France, Italy, and Greece share this same sense of bewilderment about what is considered “indecent” in the U.S. We notice how history, religion, and fear still shape these boundaries.
Thank you for voicing these contradictions so clearly. It takes honesty and courage to question what we inherit and to imagine something healthier. From here, I stand with you, hoping more people will look past the ghosts of purity culture and into a future where the body is simply a home, not a source of shame or fear.
This country (as a set of colonies) was started by people who named their daughters things like Submit and Thankful (those pulled from my own genealogy). The Revolution was born in violence and resulted in Independence. Therefore, violence leads to desired outcomes, while uncontrollable women undermine the stability of society.
“Therefore, violence leads to desired outcomes, while uncontrollable women undermine the stability of society.”
This, but unironically. To continue: this social instability caused by uncontrollable women necessitates increasing government power and control (violence) to prevent utter chaos, leading to a loss of rights and freedom for all. Eventually, this population becomes so unstable it needs to be replaced with foreigners who still adhere to traditional beliefs feminists dislike.
Excellent article, thank you. I suggest the use of the patriarchal term “boobs” perpetuates the denigration of women’s bodies and further supports the male system of objectification.
Religion is still by far more important to people in the U.S. than to European. We still distrust atheists for their disbelief in a judgmental deity in the sky. A large number, if not an actual majority, of U.S. citizens believe in ghosts, & heaven, astrology & hell but do not believe in the efficacy of vaccines or the scientific method.
This is a portrait of people who lived 2 centuries ago, give or take, depending on geographic location. They are ignorant, don't read, and believe the Bible is the literal truth. [Yes, I'm generalizing broadly, but there are 350 million of us. Some generalization is appropriate.] So what is surprising about sex being horrifyingly sinful, while violence is justified b/c "God" commanded it? (For some reason "Christians" credit the "Old Testament" as much as or more than, the new.) "God" also made women weak, evil & temptresses of good, honest, otherwise moral men. So, yeah, women must be punished. It's the logical conclusion of that mindset.
I love the idea that breasts are morally neutral. Thank you. As I continue deconstruction and decolonization of my thinking, your writing is a powerful beacon on my path.
This is so good. Though my partner and I talk about this often, my gut reaction (raised evangelical) is similar to yours and I have to constantly remind myself that sex isn’t bad and violence actually IS harmful.
Patriarchy is about control, dominance, and ownership of others, especially females.
Religions are in place to uphold patriarchy.
Violence is needed to control, dominate, and own others.
The control of female bodies is a top priority.
That is why violence is celebrated, and female bodies are controlled.
E.A. you are beautifully succinct!
Thank you. 😊
Thank you for expressing this so clearly. I have often wondered why we think violence is entertainment and glad to know other countries think differently.
I was just trying to express this same idea to my husband last night as we tried to find a movie to watch together. He loves the highly violent, “shoot ‘em up” shows, but after decades of catering to his relishing of this style and a few years of my own religious deconstruction, I don’t want to waste my time with these shows. I tried to succinctly express this with references to the Bechdel test along with my complete disinterest in such violence-focused content. I failed, although we ended up watching more of a bio-pic. He’ll probably still watch his preferred style on his own.
A related and disturbing problem with violent films, or even just male-centric films, is that the naked female form is so highly sexualized. She’s meant more as an object fulfilling male desire as the males then go shoot and explode and kill. He gets rewarded with gorgeous, young women and their perky breasts as his “due” for being such a successful alpha. It’s quite telling that my husband can’t stand the “Barbie” movie; it exposes alpha-ism and allows women to be flawed.
You are very tolerant. I wonder how your husband would react to Emma Thompson’s extraordinary and beautiful film Good Luck To You, Leo Grande (2022), which is about a middle aged woman learning to love the body she’s been blessed with and the pleasures it enables her to receive. I think about that film every time I look in the bathroom mirror.
Becca - I so agree. I can hardly watch most American made movies & series anymore - & you put it so well - they feature alpha males, shooting, blowing things up, perky boobs, too much makeup, automatic weapons, & exploding cars.
My husband & I have settled on a mutual love of British crime & detective shows. Less gratuitous violence & gratuitous, overly made up, nubility, more real looking & acting people & intriguing who done its! 😎
I like your comment. My husband and I rarely watch American movies. We find lovely foreign films. I can’t remember the name of it but it was about a train operator who had ran into a clothes line that hadn’t been removed from the tracks. There was a bra stuck on the train window! The remaining part of the film was him going house to house trying to see whose boobs it belongs to. There was little to no dialogue but women trying on the bra! Gotta love foreign films 🎥
Love it! Cinderella of the breasts!
Yeah that’s what I thought too! ❤️
It was a 2018 German film, set in Azerbaijan. The Bra.
Yes 👏 thank you for sharing this! It was an excellent movie about “boobs” 😊
I liked it too. But then I'm objectively pro-boob.
What modern American movies are doing this? Sounds like the 80s-90s tbh. Nowadays it’s all reality tv, dating shows etc
Goes to show you how unmeshed I am with recent streaming offerings!
I’m sure the action stuff is there, it’s probably just a back catalogue . Everything new I see my wife scroll is kardashian style reality, true crime murder stories, and dating shows lol
Try “F1: The Movie” on for size. Brad Pitt’s character, the white male savior, solves all the problems even over the woman who’s supposed to be the smartest one in the room. And then he beds her. That’s a 2025 offering.
I’ll check it out. I doubt Brad Pitt is a “white male savior.” I’m surprised he’s even still acting in that kind of movie who who else would they get? Doesn’t seem like many young action stars.
What a great think piece. I’ll be left wondering why we are afraid of boobs not war for some time
Excellently put, as usual. And movie rating allowable because sex scenes were “free from all violence and filmed without degrading content.” That IS fascinating. Imagine such rational thinking here in the US...
I wrote this 👇 last year and updated it a few months ago:
An Open Letter From My Nipples To Mark Zuckerberg
Dear Mr. Zuckerberg,
Do you have a minute? Just a quick request from Amy Gabrielle’s nipples, and then you can get back to doing whatever it is you do.
Could you please stop banning us from your social media platforms? Despite what you may think of us (in the absence of childbirth or nursing, in which case we magically become acceptable), we don’t hate you.
Okay, maybe we hate you a little bit.
Okay! Maybe we hate you a lot.
Why do you hate us? Everyone from babies to grown men LOVE us. You hurt our feelings when you trained your AI models to detect, and then BAN US from Instagram. Do you really think people, especially “The Children,” want to live in a world devoid of female nipples?
That’s a rhetorical question because that would be a very sad, sad world.
We are tired of being erased in Photoshop. What if we were grafted onto a male chest? Would you accept us then? Maybe we should move somewhere we haven’t been fetishized.
And no, I haven’t found a place like that yet.
And yes, I haven’t given up looking.
You know, we’re allowed to feel the sun on our bare areola in some countries. It’s not a big deal. Sounds crazy, I know, but it’s true!
If hurting our feelings doesn’t move you to change your policies, maybe you will listen to your own Advisory Board?
Okay, so it’s made up of a bunch of hacks, (politicians, academics, and worst of all, journalists), but they did advise you back in January 2023 that you are not treating us, “in a manner consistent with international human rights standards.”
Aren’t we worthy of human rights?
We are counting on you, Mr. Zuckerberg, to set us free once and for all. You will become the most beloved in all of social media-land, and you can finally tell Elon Musk…. Never mind, he’s high on Trump’s fart fumes, he can’t hear you any more.
In closing, for the love of all that is good in the world, and right now there isn’t much, let us live freely on Instagram. We don’t need babies to legitimize our existence.
We would thank you if we thought you’d give us any time or attention to this matter, but we both know you won’t, so we thank you for nothing.
Good day sir! We said, good day!
We look forward to being seen on Substack so you can go fuck yourself.
Sincerely,
Amy Gabrielle’s nipples
This post is excellent! Thanks, the USA is still a very wierdly prudish but violent place…re stacking this!
Americans are sexually repressed. I found European women to be much more pleasant towards men than American women.
Interesting. I think it might be an over generalization but I could see that being true. I also feel that it’s probably regionally dependent especially in the US.
I love your scrutiny of this moral question, and I love breasts more than I love war. But I have a variant of your question that I often wonder about.
My country is more accepting of breasts than some other countries (for example, I was recently naked in the shopping centre with 39 other people), and I wonder what would happen if people from those other countries came to my country; would we be obliged to follow their rules? Or would they be obliged to follow ours?
For example, in Saudi Arabia, "public nudity is strictly prohibited by law", whereas in my country, public nudity is not illegal. Conversely, domestic violence is quite common in Saudi Arabia, but it is not allowed at all in my country. If we were to accept large numbers of Saudi immigrants, should we change our rules and conventions to accommodate their culture? Or should we stick with our own rules and conventions?
Domestic violence is a major problem that needs to be strongly discouraged by every country on earth. So yes definitely keep your customs
Celeste, reading your essay from Germany, I feel the gap between Central Western Europe and the United States with every line. Here, the body simply belongs—whether in saunas, at the lake, or in public showers, nakedness is part of daily life and barely noticed. The prudery and discomfort around bodies that you describe in the American context always leaves me puzzled. In my experience, it’s violence that causes concern, not the sight of a body.
It’s a relief to see German children learn about sex and boundaries openly in school, and to hear public media discuss pleasure and consent without shame. Laws here make access to weapons rare and tightly controlled, with broad public support. Sexual curiosity is treated as a natural part of life, not a threat. Your description of the American pattern—where nudity or intimacy is alarming, but weapons and violence are normalized—truly does feel upside down.
Your question lingers with me: what grows from a culture that fears a breast, yet accepts a rifle in the home? Here, I see the results of a different approach—less violence, fewer teenage pregnancies, more openness and trust. Friends from Portugal, Spain, France, Italy, and Greece share this same sense of bewilderment about what is considered “indecent” in the U.S. We notice how history, religion, and fear still shape these boundaries.
Thank you for voicing these contradictions so clearly. It takes honesty and courage to question what we inherit and to imagine something healthier. From here, I stand with you, hoping more people will look past the ghosts of purity culture and into a future where the body is simply a home, not a source of shame or fear.
This country (as a set of colonies) was started by people who named their daughters things like Submit and Thankful (those pulled from my own genealogy). The Revolution was born in violence and resulted in Independence. Therefore, violence leads to desired outcomes, while uncontrollable women undermine the stability of society.
“Therefore, violence leads to desired outcomes, while uncontrollable women undermine the stability of society.”
This, but unironically. To continue: this social instability caused by uncontrollable women necessitates increasing government power and control (violence) to prevent utter chaos, leading to a loss of rights and freedom for all. Eventually, this population becomes so unstable it needs to be replaced with foreigners who still adhere to traditional beliefs feminists dislike.
Excellent article, thank you. I suggest the use of the patriarchal term “boobs” perpetuates the denigration of women’s bodies and further supports the male system of objectification.
This is so true. Our country has things backwards in so many ways.
This makes me think of the song "Holy War" by Alicia Keys.
Religion is still by far more important to people in the U.S. than to European. We still distrust atheists for their disbelief in a judgmental deity in the sky. A large number, if not an actual majority, of U.S. citizens believe in ghosts, & heaven, astrology & hell but do not believe in the efficacy of vaccines or the scientific method.
This is a portrait of people who lived 2 centuries ago, give or take, depending on geographic location. They are ignorant, don't read, and believe the Bible is the literal truth. [Yes, I'm generalizing broadly, but there are 350 million of us. Some generalization is appropriate.] So what is surprising about sex being horrifyingly sinful, while violence is justified b/c "God" commanded it? (For some reason "Christians" credit the "Old Testament" as much as or more than, the new.) "God" also made women weak, evil & temptresses of good, honest, otherwise moral men. So, yeah, women must be punished. It's the logical conclusion of that mindset.
I love the idea that breasts are morally neutral. Thank you. As I continue deconstruction and decolonization of my thinking, your writing is a powerful beacon on my path.
This is so good. Though my partner and I talk about this often, my gut reaction (raised evangelical) is similar to yours and I have to constantly remind myself that sex isn’t bad and violence actually IS harmful.