Navigating the hellscape of 21st century mothering: where expectations are at an all time high and support is at an all time low. Let's stop blaming the micro for a macro problem.
Oh man this HIT home. I’m so thankful my kids are getting old enough not to be so needy, but yes, I think of my Grandma and her way of life when raising kids. She would talk about having “club” nearly every day and her friends rotated houses where they would play cards, talk marriage, share recipes, the other things you mentioned, and plan community events...and she’d say “as long as you set the table before he walks in, you’re golden! Men figure a set table means dinner is about ready..even if I just beat him home 5 mins ago”. (She was great😂). But she didn’t have all this pressure and she spent a lot of time living in the moment and truly enjoying life from what I can tell. Sitting on the porch with friends was the plan for entertainment and it was simple and seemed easier. I have to forward your article on to my two nieces, both expecting babies this spring. Thankful I can be part of the village as a support person now.
I think involving elders of the community can greatly help mother’s situations. I grew up during the sixties in an exurban neighborhood. There was a family on the next road with three boys like our family and we did everything together. There weren’t any other kids than we six close by. Our grandparents were half a continent away, but the next four closest homes were occupied by older folks whose grandchildren lived very far away. We knew our older neighbors better than our own grandparents and they knew us better than their own grandchildren.
We kids always felt welcome at our older neighbor’s homes. It seemed no matter when we showed up we were welcomed, welcomed to join in whether that was for a meal, for weeding the garden, fixing the tractor or watching birds. By the time I started kindergarten I was reading at a higher level because teaching me to read was the peak of my 96 year old neighbor’s day.
Though the houses were a fair distance apart, we always felt safe. Our parents trusted our neighbors and our neighbors likely understood and sympathized with our mothers. More than a few times the neighbors were our babysitters when there was a sudden schedule change. If Uncle Pop or Aunt Grandma were waiting for me at the bus stop, I was very happy and felt safe and secure even when Mom had an emergency meeting.
A few months after I had met my wife, and after she had met yet another elderly friend, she smiled and said “Just how many grandmothers do you have anyway?” I am so blessed to have had those foster grandparents. I also feel blessed to not live in an over-55 community. I love hearing the laughter and screaming and daily finding all sorts of toys in my front yard or driveway. Now that I’m in my late sixties I could care less for “senior activities.” As we Boomers age we can give back by lending a hand to our neighboring mothers.
Oh man this HIT home. I’m so thankful my kids are getting old enough not to be so needy, but yes, I think of my Grandma and her way of life when raising kids. She would talk about having “club” nearly every day and her friends rotated houses where they would play cards, talk marriage, share recipes, the other things you mentioned, and plan community events...and she’d say “as long as you set the table before he walks in, you’re golden! Men figure a set table means dinner is about ready..even if I just beat him home 5 mins ago”. (She was great😂). But she didn’t have all this pressure and she spent a lot of time living in the moment and truly enjoying life from what I can tell. Sitting on the porch with friends was the plan for entertainment and it was simple and seemed easier. I have to forward your article on to my two nieces, both expecting babies this spring. Thankful I can be part of the village as a support person now.
Oh my gosh Tiffani- your grandma’s club! 😍😍 The dream!!! Ugh I hate how hard it is to form community these days. Thanks for your thoughts!
This reminds me that I heard someone say that mothers today have to buy they village and that really hit home.
Oh my gosh!! SOOO true!!
Okay this is my new weekly required reading.
Mine too! (I wrote it for myself 🙃)
I think involving elders of the community can greatly help mother’s situations. I grew up during the sixties in an exurban neighborhood. There was a family on the next road with three boys like our family and we did everything together. There weren’t any other kids than we six close by. Our grandparents were half a continent away, but the next four closest homes were occupied by older folks whose grandchildren lived very far away. We knew our older neighbors better than our own grandparents and they knew us better than their own grandchildren.
We kids always felt welcome at our older neighbor’s homes. It seemed no matter when we showed up we were welcomed, welcomed to join in whether that was for a meal, for weeding the garden, fixing the tractor or watching birds. By the time I started kindergarten I was reading at a higher level because teaching me to read was the peak of my 96 year old neighbor’s day.
Though the houses were a fair distance apart, we always felt safe. Our parents trusted our neighbors and our neighbors likely understood and sympathized with our mothers. More than a few times the neighbors were our babysitters when there was a sudden schedule change. If Uncle Pop or Aunt Grandma were waiting for me at the bus stop, I was very happy and felt safe and secure even when Mom had an emergency meeting.
A few months after I had met my wife, and after she had met yet another elderly friend, she smiled and said “Just how many grandmothers do you have anyway?” I am so blessed to have had those foster grandparents. I also feel blessed to not live in an over-55 community. I love hearing the laughter and screaming and daily finding all sorts of toys in my front yard or driveway. Now that I’m in my late sixties I could care less for “senior activities.” As we Boomers age we can give back by lending a hand to our neighboring mothers.
This is great Celeste.