My most recommended spiritual reconstruction tool

"Dear LOVE, what would you have me know today?"

Every day of my living memory I said at least one prayer.

Usually 3-4. Sometimes 10.

In the play of my life, I was never alone. Always chatting with my cosmic friend/boss/genie wish-granter.

But my conception of God was irreplicably melded to my religion of origin. When I found that religion to be incorrect, well what did that leave of this being I talked to all day?

Who was He? Or was it a She? Did I need to talk to Him/Her? Did I want to?

I didn’t know. I’d always been taught not to lean unto my own understanding so trusting myself to figure all this out was a tall order indeed.

Praying had become such a key component of how I navigated life, I wasn’t ready to abandon speaking to the cosmos altogether. But doing it the Mormon way no longer fit.

Around this time, I came across the following caption on Instagram from author Elizabeth Gilbert (yes the same Elizabeth Gilbert I talk about here. and here.

and here.):

“TEN ACTUAL THINGS THAT LOVE HAS SAID TO ME WHEN I WAS ALONE AND AFRAID (FOR ANYONE WHO MIGHT NEED IT TODAY❤️)

1. What’s that, my baby? You feel like you’re failing at life? But may I ask: By whose rules? And by what deadline?
2. Please stop looking for proof that you are wrong and bad. Don’t be in such a hurry to disown yourself. And please, for the love of God, stop trying to transform. Just sit here with me for a moment, and let me love you exactly as you are. And maybe get yourself a nice big glass of water. That usually helps.
3. You don’t need to show compassion or patience to the world right now. Why would I force that on you, when you don’t actually feel it? You don’t even need to be grateful right now. I love you so much, I will never ask you to do anything you can’t do. Just sit here with me, and know that you are loved, and let that be all we do today.
4. Stop trying. Does that scare you? Do you still have trouble believing how loved you are—even when you are doing nothing, producing nothing, improving nothing, understanding nothing? Can you sit quietly with me for a moment and consider the possibilities?
5. Can you find the courage and curiosity to live one breath at a time? Can you breathe into this very moment, right now? Because “right now” is the only place I will ever be able to find you. So meet me halfway, dear one, by taking the next breath.
6. You are not crazy or broken, sweetheart, but you do have a mind that requires constant, tender, affectionate stewardship. Good thing you have me!
7. I see how you much you fear solitude sometimes, but trust me: This is your medicine right now. Also, I have a secret for you: You’re not alone. It’s actually not even possible.
8. If it helps, sweetheart, you can’t possibly do anything wrong. By which I mean—you can’t possibly do anything that will lose me.
9. I’m right here. I have always been right here. I will always be right here. I’ve got nothing but time for you.
10. Don’t worry about how everyone else is doing it. There is no “everyone else”. There is only you and me. And my name is Love. And so is yours. So let’s just sit quietly now, and know this truth together❤️”. - Liz

Oooooooh. Yeah that’s it.

This was the voice I had been wanting to talk to.

Elizabeth Gilbert has a daily practice of writing herself a letter from LOVE. She writes “Dear LOVE, what would you have me know today?” Then she writes “Dear Liz,……” and writes herself a letter from LOVE.

The 10 statements above are little blips from what LOVE has responded to her.

In 2020 when I posted a job opening for a new being to pray to, I didn’t have much instruction on LOVE letter writing other than this one Instagram caption.

But it was enough.

So I started writing letters to LOVE.

And damn was it helpful.

I didn’t need the reprimanding, correcting or repenting of my old God. I needed motherly nurture. I needed permission to accept myself unconditionally. Faced with bushwhacking an entirely new path on my own, I needed to not feel alone. I needed to feel whole, safe and worthy.

LOVE provided those things.¹

…………………………….

Eventually my LOVE letter practice petered off. I went a few years love-letter-less.

But then just a few weeks ago, Elizabeth Gilbert lovingly threw the practice back in my lap by starting her own Substack all about, you guessed it- letters from LOVE.

(This is where I insist you subscribe to said Substack. And don’t sleep on the comment section of a whole community filling their own love buckets!)

So I started up again and mmmm, turns out a daily love fill up is every bit as useful now as it was when everything was topsy-turvy.

Yummy.

Our silly little human brains are just so easily bent towards negativity (ESPECIALLY TOWARDS OURSELVES!) that counter-acting our fondness for self-criticism is unbelievably life-giving.

I find it so helpful to my daily existence, I can’t shut up about it. I recommend the practice to all of my spiritual direction clients.

I love how versatile it is.

Regardless of whether you believe in God, Krishna, astrology, Richard Dawkins or Dolly Parton- writing yourself a love letter does not call for any set of spiritual pre-requisites.

The practice can be as simple as saying to yourself what you wish someone would say to you.

Like when you finally fill out the paperwork for liability insurance that you printed out four months ago and you wish someone would say, “Oh my gosh! Look at you! You’re an inspiration!”

Hypothetically. You can say that to yourself. You can fill your own brain with the dopamine you wish others would fill you with.

It’s weird how satisfying it is. Try it, you’ll see.

This is your homework this week: write yourself a love letter. The ooshy-gooshy-er the better.

And if you don’t like the word “LOVE” or if you are into fun experiments- try swapping out “Dear LOVE” for “Dear intuition,” “Dear future self,” “Dear divine feminine,” or “Dear [name of loved one who has passed].”

…………………………

In the spirit of Elizabeth Gilbert’s original Instagram post, I will include 10 ushy-gushy things LOVE has said to me in the past few weeks:²

1. Whether you decide to send that email or not, you are just as love-able either way.

2. I know. It’s not fair baby. I see it. Later you can use that imaginative brain of yours to imagine a more beautiful world. But for now, just spend a minute with me letting me hold all the unfairness. I can take it.

3. What you think just because you have flaws you aren’t whole? Well, you are. Yes in spite of that, and that, and even that.

4. No need to figure it all out. Just keep following your excitement. Let your excitement be your compass.

5. C’mere. Come here baby. It’s been a hard day. We’re just going to sit in the bottom of the cave today. It’s ok. So you’ve got a cave. Honey, we’ve all got caves. Shhhh, let’s just sit here in the dark today. Together.

6. How boring would perfection be?

7. You’re so funny and determined and creative and unbelievably dear and precious. And we- the universe, the spirits of the dead, the pine trees, the bugs, the atmospheric gases- we’re all just so incredibly fond of you.

8. You go be whatever you want to be today sugar. Don’t worry about your tomorrow self. Tomorrow she’ll get to be whatever she wants to be tomorrow. You’ve just got today.

9. No need to know anything today. Just feel. Just rest in my lap, let me stroke your hair and just feel.

10. Even if you never exercise again or meditate or clean or write poetry or play the harp or spent 10 minutes of one-on-one time with your kids or cook dinner- you will still be just as worthy of love. And I will love you even then. Maybe especially then. (Also may I note that is quite the laundry list of daily requirements sweet pea)

Whether you are actively reconstructing God, or happily frolicking in atheist land or making sweet sweet love to your Bible every morning, try out the practice of love-lettering yourself. See what happens.

You in?

1. I wrote about one of my favorite lessons from LOVE here when I kept trying to thank her for the sunshine, my morning coffee, my son’s smile and she said “What are you thanking me for? I don’t need your thanks. Thank the thing itself.”

Oh. Ok. Thank you sunshine. Thank you morning coffee. Thank you son’s smile.

2. You’ll never know for sure if I just made all this up on the spot but I promise I didn’t. I only had 30 minutes left to finish this Substack so I literally just flipped to random pages in my journal and wrote out snippets.